DJ and Steve: First Love
by Taylor Jae
Summary: D.J. and Steve are just starting out: Just married, and loving each other like crazy. With some ups, some downs, and some help from their family, love will always find a way.
1. High on Love

D.J. and Steve: First Love

Chapter 1

They ran and ran and ran away. They ran through the rice and birdseed to Steve's car and hurried to the airport, laughing and laughing until they cried. But, after all, they were just married, as the sign proclaimed on the back of the car, so it was OK for them to do this sort of thing.

They raced out of the car, still high from all the dancing and food and laughing and happiness they had experienced at the wedding, grabbed their suitcases, and sprinted inside the airport. They checked their bags quickly, then finally went to wait and gate G4D.

"Oh, Steve", D.J. said, twirling some of her long blonde hair around and around her fingers. "I'm happy. Are you happy?"

"Yes, Deej", Steve said. "I'm very happy."

"You wanna know why I'm so happy?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm in love and married to you." Love was without a doubt in the world the best high there was. It was even better than running, although it came in a close second.

They loved to run together. It might've sounded crazy to others, but ever since they started dating in their sophomore year, they'd run together all the time, holding hands and sprinting and holding races with each other. He would beat her and she would cream him. Whoever won or lost, it didn't matter whom, that person always got a kiss at the end. That was their special thing. They loved to run and kiss and just be with each other. And although it had sometimes been hard to be alone together in that full house of hers, they always managed. Steve loved her family as much as she did and didn't care that there was always something going on. In fact, that was one of the best parts about her house: The excitement, the never-ending activity. The fun.

After D.J. said that, they both laughed. And then they kissed. They didn't care who watched. They were so full of love, they thought they might burst.

"Attention, ladies and gentlemen, flight 442 to the Bahamas will now take passengers and is now boarding. Flight 442 to the Bahamas is now boarding." He looked at her. She looked at him. They both smiled. Then, without saying a word out loud to each other, they both got up, grabbed their bags and went to board the plane.


	2. Perfect

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The newlyweds reached the Bahamas late that night. They weren't as awake and excited as they had been when they left, but they were still alert.

"Ready, Deej?" Steve asked.

"Uh-huh."

They grabbed their carry-on bags, and headed off the plane. Steve made sure to stay right behind his wife—his wife!—as they got off. They'd been dating for three years, but it seemed he only grew more and more protective of her as time went on.

They got off the plane and headed towards the baggage claim. When they got there, the bags weren't ready yet, so they waited.

Even only in the airport of this romantic place, they could already feel the heavy, sweet, warm air.

Steve pulled D.J. closer to him and kissed the top of her head. She smiled up at him.

"Beep! Beep!" D.J. felt herself jump. She saw it was only the signal for the bags coming from the chute onto the carousel. Steve saw it and smiled at her.

"There's one!" She said suddenly. He pounced then and grabbed the black suitcase. And soon after, the other one came, too, and they were on their way.

On the way down the ramp, D.J. pulled out her cell phone.

"Hey, Daddy", she said when he answered. "We're here."

"You're there?"

"Yep. We're heading toward the rental car garage. I just called to let you know."

"Well, thanks", Danny said.

Tears threatened to fill his eyes just by hearing the sound of his daughter's voice. She had married just hours ago, and she was so much like her mother it drove him crazy. He didn't let this onto D.J., though. She missed Pam more than she cared to admit. There was no need to say anymore.

"So, did you enjoy the wedding?" D.J. asked, bringing him back down to earth.

"Yes, I did. Did you?"

"Oh, Daddy, it was absolutely perfect. Thank you."

"You're welcome…..Oh, Deej, I'd better go, OK? We're still at the hall, cleaning up and your sisters are more tired than they'll admit."

"OK. Bye, Daddy."

"Bye, Deej."

"Oh, and Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Deej."

"Bye, Daddy", she said again.

"Bye, Deej. Call us, OK? We'll miss you."

"I will." And then she snapped her phone shut. She readjusted her bag on her shoulder and gripped her suitcase hard. Steve pushed open the door to the car garage and a whoosh of cold air came through. Steve led her over to a row of cars.

"So, whatdya think, Deej?" Steve asked, gesturing to a tiny royal blue Mozta.

"It's perfect", she said. And in a way, it was.

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	3. Thinking of Mom

Hey, guys! I hope you like this chapter! I'm on a roll with updating today! Let's hope it lasts! REVIEW!

Chapter 3

The next morning, D.J. awoke with the sun shining on her face and Steve's arms wrapped gently around her. She laid there for a few minutes, waking up, before she slipped out of the bed. She grabbed herself a glass of juice, kissed Steve on the cheek softly so she wouldn't wake him, grabbed a book, and headed towards the door that went out onto their private balcony that had a marvelous view of the ocean.

She read for a while, sitting there in the sunshine. She fingered her wedding ring as she did. But, pretty soon, she couldn't concentrate on her book anymore and just watched the sun catching on the diamonds in her wedding ring and how it sparkled.

She let her mind drift, and it went to Steve, her dad, her uncle, and finally, to her mom.

D.J. knew her mom. She was the longest out of all her sisters to know her. She knew everything about her, even some of the bad stuff, and loved her. A lot. They had had a special bond that no one else did and it was treated like so. The two of them planned days to do things just with each other while D.J was growing up.

They were best friends.

Her sister, Steph, who was 14 now, knew her, too. Steph and Pam had had a lot in common, too and it had been just as hard for Steph to lose her as it had been for D.J.

Now, D.J. and Stephanie saw and thought about everything. When they got in a car, they always silently prayed that they'd get home safely. Every time they got in a car, they thought, _my mother died this way._ They hadn't been comfortable in a car for almost a year after that.

Both of them had seen their father break down. Both of them had seen the wreck, even though everyone thought they hadn't and tried to hide it from them. D.J. and Stephanie had seen their house still and quiet for the first time in their lives. They missed Pam so much sometimes it felt like they might explode.

And then, when Uncle Jesse and Joey moved in, they remembered all over again. They had both tried so hard not to see it, to not see their mother in Jesse and Joey, but they had. No matter how bustling and busy their house was now, there were still times when that aching silence would come back. Especially at night. D.J. cried sometimes. She knew Steph did, too.

She thought then of Steve.

He had been as close to Pam as she and her sister had been. He had grown up with Pam as a second mom. Steve's mother was close, close friends with Pam, and it had hurt him to lose her almost as much as it hurt D.J. and Stephanie and Danny. That was why Steve knew D.J. so well, too: Because he had known Pam. He had loved Pam. He missed her, too.

So, when Steve showed up on the balcony a few minutes later, D.J. felt as though she might cry.

"Hey, Deej", he said.

"Hi", she said back. He looked out at the sea for a few minutes.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

"It really is."

She was glad to stop thinking of her mother. She felt so happy and alive the rest of the time, that by the time the memories did come back, they hit her. Hard. Really, really hard.

"Do you want to go swimming?"

"You know what? Sure." She smiled at him. He always knew what to do to make her feel better, even without knowing it.

So, they went inside and changed into their swimsuits and headed out to the ocean. They held hands as they walked down the beach and into the water.

"Oh", D.J. said. "It's so warm."

"It's like bath water", Steve agreed. Then, they both dove in and played footsie under the water. They really did love each other. They were laughing and sputtering when they came up.

After a while, they went back up and showered.

"Where do we want to eat breakfast?" Steve asked his wife from the bed where he was sitting. She was in the bathroom, doing her hair.

"I saw a little café down the block", she answered him. She put down her make-up and brush. "OK", she said. "How do I look?" She really didn't need to know. She just wanted to see what he said. It worked on TV.

"Beautiful", he told her honestly. And that she did. She was wearing a pure white spaghetti-strap tank-top dress that went down to a few inches above her knees, wedge sandals, and a light wash jean jacket over that. Her hair was down and flowing down her back in all it's light-blonde glory.

"What about me?" Steve smirked at her teasingly. He knew how to play this game.

"You look very handsome", she said, coming over and wrapping her arms around him and kissing him on the cheek. He himself was wearing a plain white T-shirt and medium-wash jean shorts. The combination made his dark blue eyes pop. And, they matched. He was almost too good for her. Almost.

Then, they broke apart from the wonderful kiss and Steve looked down at her.

"Shall we go to breakfast?" He reached for her hand and held it. They headed towards the door.

She smiled. "Indeed we shall."


	4. Home

Hi, guys

Hi, guys! Well, this is chapter four, and things are going to start happening. So, if you're bored, read this one more time, because things are about to get interesting.

Chapter 4

Over the course of that week, D.J. and Steve went scuba-diving, went on a whale-watch, just walked on the beach, swam some more, ate, laughed…..and kissed. Some days that was all they did. Some days they stayed in their bed and kissed all day long, then fell asleep for hours at a time. They didn't mind, though. What could they say? They were in love.

They flew home that next weekend, that next Saturday. They were still staying at Danny's until the next week, when they moved into their house, which was located close to the house, a street away. Steve and Danny and Jesse and Joey had each chipped in and bought it a few weeks ago. It was brand new and just right for them.

They got back to San Francisco at about noon. They went straight to her father's house.

"Daddy, hey!" She said happily. She looked tan. She hugged him tight.

"Hey, sweets." Danny said. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me too."

Just then, Steph flew down the stairs.

"Deej!" She almost tackled D.J. with her hug, but they were too happy to see each other. It was almost like they weren't sisters. They were more like best friends. It was hard to imagine that just two years ago they claimed to hate each other.

It had all started when D.J. had gone off to college at UCLA. It had been lonely without her sister there, but Stephanie was too prideful to admit it. Then, when D.J. and Steve came home for Christmas, Stephanie was anxious to see her. And, as more time went on, the more they finally opened up to each other. The more e-mails got sent. The more phone-calls were made. So, when D.J. came home for the summer, she and Steph were as close as ever.

Now D.J. was 19, almost 20. And, almost done with school. She and Steve had both had honors and had graduated early, and just had two classes left before they graduated. Then, they both were going back for a year for training. D.J. was going to be a language arts teacher, and Steve was going to be a lawyer. They planned to remain in San Francisco and make a life for themselves.

D.J. and Steph were as close as ever and Steph, at 14, 15 this September, was very mature and could talk to D.J. about serious. About school. About the future. About their mom. Steph was still fun and up-beat, but she could be awfully serious when she wanted to be.

They were still laughing when they pulled apart.

Becky, Jesse, and Nicky, and Alex came down the stairs. Nicky and Alex were now 5. They had their birthday while D.J. and Steve were away. Becky and the boys were following Jesse, who didn't look too happy.

"Steph, what in the world—" And then he stopped. He looked at the landing where D.J. and Steve were standing. Then his whole face changed. It broke into a grin and ran to her.

"Deej! You're back!"

"Yep. We're back."

"How was the Bahamas?" Becky asked, coming behind her husband.

"Great. Really great." At the word _great_, D.J. shifted her gaze back at Steve who smiled at her and they both tried not to laugh. "Really beautiful."

"When's the big move?"

"A week", Steve chimed in now.

"Did you realize", D.J. said, "this is just like when you and Becky married? You got back from your honeymoon and you moved. Except we're actually moving, and by that I mean into a real house. Not an attic." Everyone laughed at that.

"Hey", D.J. said, suddenly realizing someone was missing. "Where's Michelle?" Danny glanced around him, searching for his youngest daughter.

"Michelle!" He hollered up the stairs.

And just like she appeared.

"Hey, Deej!" She said, wrapping her arms around her sister. Michelle was now 10 years old. She was going to be in the sixth grade in September.

"Hey, M", D.J. said. "How's it going?"

"Good. When are you moving?"

"Next week."

"Oh."

"Come in", Danny said. "I'll give you time to unpack your bags.

"We don't have time for that", D.J. said. "I have pictures!"

So, they threw their bags aside and all gathered around the couch, looking at pictures from the honeymoon.

Later that night, though, D.J. and Steve did have to unpack their bags. They were in their room upstairs. Danny had added two rooms onto the house. One for D.J.'s family, and one for Steph's, when she had one.

"Hey, Steve?" D.J. asked, holding up one of his T-shirts.

"Yeah, Deej?"

"Where do you want this?"

"How 'bout right here?" He came over and slipped his hands around her waist and kissed her.

"I'm serious", she said, even though she wasn't anymore.

"Oh, you are, are you?"

"Yes", she said. "I am." She wasn't. She broke apart from him and went back to her un-packing. "Where do you want this?" She threw him a shirt.

"Right here." He threw the shirt back at her.

"Well, what about this one?" She threw it at him. He threw it back. She was beginning to enjoy this game. So that was most likely why she threw a bunch of clothes at him and he threw all of them back at her. Pretty soon, clothing was flying all around the room and they were laughing so hard their stomachs ached. And when they had thrown all the clothing, they looked at each other and started picking it up and throwing it back at each other. Pretty soon, they were sitting on the floor, laughing and laughing.

Jesse and Becky walked past their room, looked in and left laughing.

"I hope we end up like them." D.J. said when they left.

"Me too." Steve said. "I think we will."

Later that night, they picked up all the clothes and crawled into bed. The sheets felt cool and damp, with that summer feeling. They could hear the crickets chirping out on the lawn. D.J. laid her head on her husband's chest. And she thought about how lucky she was already. So maybe she didn't have a mom anymore. Not on the earth, but in her heart she always would. And so what if that was sappy? It meant something to her. She was never one to accept other people's judgment, anyway. She thought about the family that loved her, the husband that loved her. She thought of their life together. Steve was the last thing she remembered before she closed her eyes.

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	5. Atta Girl

Hey, guys

Hey, guys! Because of all the wonderful reviews I got, I decided to give you a treat and update. Thank you to all who reviewed: You made my day! Keep it up! I take my reviews seriously and put into consideration what you write in them. And, if you don't think I read them, think again, because I do read them. Every single word. Enjoy this chapter. I'll be updating soon.

Moving Day

"Oof!" D.J. set down the boxes and swiped some of her blonde hair out of her eyes. It was slipping out of the high pony-tail she had set it in. They had only been moving for three hours and already her hair was a mess.

"Where do you want these?" Her father looked up to see his eldest daughter standing in front of him.

"There is fine."

"OK", she said. "I guess I'll go get some more."

She walked out of the house—her and Steve's very own house—to the moving trucks, where her whole family was helping to unload.

"Who knew you had so much stuff?" Steph said as she walked by carrying two big boxes. D.J. laughed at her sister and kept walking.

"I can get some more", she said approaching the truck now. Her uncle turned to face her and hand her two boxes.

"Here, Deej. These shouldn't be too heavy for you." She nodded and took the boxes. As she was adjusting the boxes in her arms, she looked around to find her husband missing.

"Hey", she said. "Where's Steve?"

"He's finalizing the buy of the house, just to make sure it's fully paid for its first mortgage and so you guys can move in for real without any problems."

"OK", D.J. said. "Thanks."

She kept carrying boxes, carrying boxes, carrying boxes. And a half-hour later, there he was. She saw her husband as she was bending down to set two more boxes labeled "BOOKS" onto the floor. And when she saw him, she flew out the door and threw herself at him even though she'd only seen him an hour ago.

"Hey", he said after she crashed into him. "It's nice to see you, too."

"I know", she said. "I just love you. And, hey, you're my husband, right?"

"Right", Steve said. He slipped his hand around D.J.'s waist and began walking the other way, off their property.

"Aren't we supposed to be helping unload? It _is_ our house, you know."

"They don't need us", Steve said simply, even though D.J. thought they very well did need them.

"Um, I think they just might", D.J. said, but she didn't turn around. She let him take her on a walk so long that they couldn't be seen from the house anymore. She let him take her on a walk that that lasted until the afternoon sun was high in the sky. She let him take her on a walk that had taken so long that her family had to shout at her to come back.

"Coming!" She shouted. So, she and Steve turned around and headed back. It was already hot out. And, when they got back, she got a scolding—even though she was a grown and married woman as of two weeks ago—about running off without warning and not coming back and leaving her family to unpack her boxes and put them in her house and how she shouldn't have done all those things and how they shouldn't have had to do all those things.

"I'm sorry", D.J. said, even though she really wasn't. She saw her aunt give her a smile: She had been a newlywed once, too.

"So, is the house unloaded yet?" D.J. asked.

"No", her father said. "All the boxes are in the house, in the rooms you wanted; we figured you guys would want to do that job yourselves." He wasn't looking as stern anymore, and she knew he hadn't been to begin with. He loved her too much.

And, so she and Steve spent the rest of the afternoon and night unloading and setting up their house. By mid-night, they still didn't have things exactly right and where they wanted them, but they were so tired they felt as though they could collapse from exhaustion. Lucky for them, the bed was one of the first things they set up was the bed, so they fell into it and turned off the lights and kissed good-night. The other things could wait.

Over the next two weeks, the plumbing and heating guys came and the electrician guys came, too. Since it was a new development, none of that stuff was done yet. And, by that time all the boxes were unpacked and everything was set up the way it was supposed to be.

And, with all those people in their house, D.J. and Steve went over to the Tanners, so they wouldn't be in the way. They were just a phone call away and they could run over quickly if they had to.

"Hey", D.J. said when she got in the door.

"Who's there today?" Joey wanted to know, looking up from the TV.

"The electrician guys."

"What are you watching?" Steve asked Joey, sitting down on the couch across from him, and gesturing to the TV.

"The Golf World Cup", Joey answered. Steve and Joey both liked golf and they had gone with each other only a few times.

"Oh, awesome", Steve said, with so enthusiasm that D.J. had to hide a smile.

"I think I'll see you boys later", D.J. said. And then she went into the kitchen. When she got in there, Steph and Michelle were sitting at the table, eating cereal.

"Hey, guys", she said, sitting down next to her youngest sister, who was eating Rice Krispies. "What's up?"

"Nothing", Steph said, sounding bored.

"Why nothing? It's summer. Go do something."

"Yeah", Michelle chimed in now, getting up from her chair to put her bowl in the dishwasher. "I'm doing something." Steph glowered at her.

Ignoring the glower from her sister for now, D.J. said, "And what would that be?"

"Going to the pool", Michelle answered simply. "I'd better go and change into my swimsuit." Michelle bounded up the stairs.

Once Michelle had gone, D.J. turned to Steph. "Steph, what's up?" She asked her sister. This wasn't normal for her.

"Nothing, apparently", Steph answered to her cereal bowl.

"Steph, since when are you doing nothing? I don't think I've seen you sit still for more than five minutes."

"Yeah, me neither", Steph mumbled. She was quiet for a minute, and then she started talking. D.J. knew Steph was too honest and liked to talk too much to keep quiet for long. "Gina dumped me, OK? We're not friends." D.J. was, actually, quite shocked. Gina had seemed like such a good friend. Steph had seemed to have a real influence on her.

"It's like, since we're going into high school in the fall, she has to be all cool." _Oh, so that's the problem._ D.J. could understand that. She also knew that Steph couldn't.

"When did it happen?"

"Two weeks before school let out." D.J. was in a bigger state of shock now. Steph had been so good at hiding it, she hadn't even thought of it, considering the welcome-home hug she'd gotten from her. D.J. and Steve had gotten married on June 2. School had only been out for two and a half weeks now.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Steph looked up at her sister now.

"I couldn't. I didn't even want to tell you now, but I did."

"Oh, Steph", D.J. said. She knew she was sappy, but she wrapped her arms around her sister and hugged her anyway. "It's gonna be OK."

"You don't know that", Steph said.

"Neither do you, until you try." Steph snorted. "Well, you _don't_. Just give it a try. Meet up with her. Call her."

"The last time that happened to you, you hung up." D.J. remembered back to the sixth grade, and the fight at Kimmy's birthday party. Steph was right. She wasn't always as sweet as she looked.

"Well, then don't call her. It probably won't even happen to you, anyway. Gina's a much better friend than I was."

"Liar", Steph said. "And you know it."

"Look, all I'm saying is to just give it a try. Don't call her if you don't want to. Just do something. Gina has to know you're not OK with this."

"Oh, what _are_ you? My mother?" At that, they were both quiet. D.J. knew her sister was too angry. She wouldn't have said that otherwise.

"No, I'm your sister. Your older sister who knows better." Steph was quiet for a little while, stirring her spoon around and around in the remains of her milk, which had turned a sickly gray blue from her Lucky Charms.

"Well", Steph said reluctantly, getting up now to put her bowl in the dishwasher and looking back at her sister. "I guess I could try."

"Atta girl, Steph", D.J. said. "Atta girl."

REVIEW! Did you like the ending? Did you think it was too sappy? If answered in reviews, that would be wonderful.

Until next time,

Taylor Jae


	6. The Picture

Hi, guys

Hi, guys!

Well, this is my second update of the night, and I am on a roll, I tell you. I've gone FanFic crazy since I've read it since the eighth grade, but just got an account now, so you can be expecting a LOT of updates from me. Oh, and about the whole "Gina" thing: I blanked. I totally blanked. I know every single word! To every single episode! Of every single season! I cannot believe I did that. I am such an idiot. Thanks, to Me, though, I'll fix it in this chapter. And if I ever screw up again, someone tell me, OK?

Thank you also to taywrites and nightcrawlerlover for updating. They mean so much to me you don't even know or maybe you do. All I'm saying is that they do mean something to me. They do. Keep it up! If you keep reviewing, I'll keep updating. And, I'll update anyway, even if you don't review, because I just love to write. It's my dream and my passion; I've already written two other novels and am planning to publish the one I'm working on now, which is currently 475 pages. and by publish, I mean really publish it; not here on fanfic, but at Random House Publishing.

Chapter 6

It was growing near July when D.J. and Steve finally got their house finished, and all the guys out of it. They still went over to the Tanners a bunch, though, just because they wanted to. It was lively and exciting and a lot more fun than if they sat in their house with nothing to do.

"So, Steph", D.J. said, coming into the house one July morning and plopping down next to her sister on the couch in the living room. "Did you talk to Gia?" Why was her sister like this? Why did she want them to make-up so badly? Who said she even wanted to be friends with Gia again, anyway? Who said she needed to? But, Steph knew that all the things she was telling herself were lies. Huge ones. Losing Gia to the Cool Crowd had been a slap in the face, a dip of reality, and of how high school was really, or at least could really, be like.

"Well", Stephanie said, cracking like the easy case she knew she was. "I saw her at the pool the other day."

"And?"

"And, I tried to walk over to her, but I was too chicken."

"And then what?" Steph seemed to need some help here.

"And then, I tried to wave at her."

"Yeah", D.J. said. "And then what happened?"

"She ended up glaring at me, and I ended up looking like a total dork."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So I've decided to lay off more a while, maybe try that calling concept you told me about last time."

"Well, that's good. At least you tried. And you did the right thing by standing up to her instead of stopping down to her level."

"Yeah."

Just then, Nicky and Alex came down the stairs.

"Hey, D.J." they said in their cute four-year-old boy voices.

"Hey, guys", D.J. said. "Are you going outside?" Anybody who was anybody could've guessed that, with plastic shovels and buckets in their hands and their mother rushing around trying to tie their shoes. But, D.J. also knew that little boys loved to answer questions. At least these boys did. She asked it just to see what they would say.

"Yes", Nicky said solemnly.

"We're digging to China", Alex chimed in.

"You are? That's a long way. Are you going to come back to visit us?"

"We're not going to live there", Alex said, like anyone should've known.

"Yeah", Nicky piped up. "We're digging to find dino bones."

"Oh", D.J. said. "Of course. Have fun, OK?"

"We will", the boys promised as Becky came up to them, breathless and holding two pairs of tennis shoes. D.J. smiled and she saw Steph try to hide one.

Later that day, D.J. ventured upstairs to her father's room. She had been upstairs checking on something and had peered in. He was at the store, so she was in the room alone. She looked all around his room. At the neat dresser, the super-organized closet, the pairs of shoes lined up on the east wall….at the picture of her mother sitting on his nightstand. She sat on the edge of his bed to get a closer look at it. She picked it up and fingered the frame lightly, as if it were about to break into a million pieces if she were to hold it any tighter. In the picture, her mother was a young seventeen-year old, and looking just like D.J. so much it scared her.

She had been thinking of her mom lately, probably a little too much. She had watched the tape of her mother and father's wedding video the night before her own wedding and tried hard not to cry. That was why she had thought about her on the first morning of her honeymoon, too. So many times she tried so hard to shove the memories out her mind, just because all of the bad memories. The good memories had been slipping, and the wedding video had become crucial to watch. It reminded D.J. that she could be happy. That her mom was OK with her being happy. It took a lot for her to believe it was true, though.

When she was ten, she knew her mom was gone. She had that part. The only part she couldn't seem to grasp was why it had to happen at all. She had thought a lot about that, too, and nothing came to her. _Probably because there's no such answer. _ She thought about her mom a lot that first year, if she was happy where she was. If it was alright to go on, keep living. Then, thinking that last one, she felt guilty. Then, when she came to be 12 and 13 and 14 she decided not to think of her anymore.

It hurt too much to be sad.

Especially considering the fact that everyone else around her had already seemed to move on, and stop thinking of her, too. She still cried. She still thought of her, as much as she tried not to.

All of the sudden, Becky poked her head in the room. D.J. jumped. She hadn't even heard her aunt come near.

"Deej, Steve is looking for you." Becky glanced around the room, and her eyes landed on the item in her niece's hands. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing", she said, and set the photo down.

TAYLORJAETAYLORJAETAYLORJAETAYLORJAETAYLORJAETAYLORJAETAYLORJAET

Is she thinking of her mother too often? Should I move on to something else? Don't worry, readers, I have a lot of general ideas; I just have to get there.

REVIEW!


	7. Carolina Hales and College Plans

Hi, readers! I'm so excited to update you don't even know how much. I just love to see my story build and for you guys to review. I was taking a physics test because my brother's wresting team is going to State this weekend. So that means, unfortunately, that I won't be able to update until possible Sunday night. It'll drive me crazy, I know.

But, anyway, enjoy this chapter. Hopefully I'll get all the school stuff right. I just want for them to be educated and have good jobs. And that means going to school and fitting it into this story.

D.J.'s going to be more of my character, developing more into the girl I want her to be. I'm not going to be so direct with how she was portrayed on the show. She'll still be D.J., but a little different.

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Chapter 7

One morning in mid-July, D.J. got a phone call. It was a bright summer morning. It was a Thursday.

"Hello?"

"May I speak to Mr. or Mrs. Hales please?"

"This is Mrs. Hales." D.J. still got goosebumps when she said that.

"Hi, this is Andrea Tempton. I'm calling to talk to you about your college admission. Are you and your husband both transferring?"

"Yes, we both went to UCLA, got married, bought a house, and wanted to continue school, but still be able to live at home. We didn't take an online course, just because of how risky they are."

"Smart choice, Mrs. Hales. Very smart…..Could we meet for coffee or something to discuss this more?"

"Sure", D.J. said. That sounded prefect to her. Truth be told, she had too much energy to stay on the phone for much longer anyway.

"Maybe tomorrow?" Andrea continued. "Around two o'clock?"

"That sounds perfect. I'm sure my husband will want to come too. Is that OK?"

"Perfect", Andrea said, and then they both hung up.

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D.J. made her way to her father's house about an hour later. She had gone on turbo-speed thought the house like a whirlwind picking things up and putting things away. She had so much energy she felt as thought she might burst. She ran over to the Tanner house barefoot and was only a little breathless when she arrived at the door. Her face must've been glowing and looking exhilarated and breathless the way running did, because Jesse said, "what? Did you run over here or something?" She nodded and plunked herself down on the couch next to her uncle.

"What are you watching?"

"The Top Twenty Countdown. Gotta keep up on the music scoop, since my album is due out. I gotta know my competition."

"Oh", D.J. said. "OK."

Just then, Danny came down the stairs.

"Hey, Deej", he said. "Good to see you."

"Good to see you too, Daddy", D.J. said, even though she'd seen him only seen him a day ago.

"Where's Steve?"

"Over visiting his parents", D.J. said. "He should be back in about an hour."

"Oh", Danny said. And off he went.

MEANWHILE, AT STEVE'S PARENT'S HOUSE…..

"Mom, she's really great", Steve tried to say again. He had his mother were sitting at the kitchen table, and his father was off visiting some friends. His mother's face didn't budge. Steve was getting frustrated. He'd been over here for almost an hour already and they were getting nowhere.

Carolina Hales was forever convinced that D.J. wasn't the right girl for Steve. She thought D.J. was too informal, not near serious enough, and just not the girl for him. His father, fortunately, thought otherwise. Mark Hales thought D.J. was great. She was sweet, she was fun, she was considerate. She was everything he had wanted for his son. But apparently, nothing of value to his mother.

Steve had often heard his mother and father fighting about it in their room when they thought he couldn't hear them.

But, he could.

He'd heard every word and knew now exactly how his parents felt about his wife. It killed him. It totally made him crazy to think his mother could care less about a girl he loved with all his heart. She had been close friends with Pam, but, apparently, that didn't mean she had to love D.J. that same way.

"I just don't get why you don't like her."

"Because she's not good for you." The way his mother said it, it was like she wasn't talking about carrots and peas, but about a big, sticky Snickers bar.

"Why in the world do you think that?" Steve asked, even though he already knew the answer. He almost wished he hadn't asked. He wanted to put his hand over her mouth to keep her from answering. To keep her from saying the horrible things she thought were true.

"Steve, she's not at all proper, and—"

"Well, are _you_, mother? Are you _proper_?" By the look on his mother's face, he guessed not. "I didn't think so", he said, and then he got up and left, leaving his mother stunned.

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D.J. was the first to meet Steve at the door when he got back.

"How'd it go?" Steve seemed hesitant to answer.

"Not so good."

"What did she say?"

"The same things she's always said. It's the same thing every time, and yet it drives me crazy so much I feel like I might explode." D.J. knew that feeling. She wrapped her arms around him, putting her head on his shoulder.

"I know", she said softly. The two broke apart.

"I can't see how you're so OK with this", Steve said to her.

"I'm not. I'm just learning to live with it. Just like a lot of things." He took into consideration that she didn't mention any of those other things.

"Oh, um, Andrea Tompton called this morning. She wants to meet for coffee to discuss out college plans."

"OK. When will that be?"

"She suggested around two o'clock tomorrow I told her that was fine. Is it?"

"Of course."

So, the next day, at two o'clock, that's just what they did. They met Andrea at Starbucks on Waverly and had iced coffee on one of the outdoor tables.

"So" Andrea said, sliding into a chair and setting her sweating coffee down. "You still want to continue school, but want to live at your house, correct?"

"Correct", D.J. said, taking a small sip of her coffee.

"You're thinking the college about fifteen minutes away from here, right?"

"Yeah, since it had a law and teaching program, which are our majors."

"Good. I'll call the school tomorrow and tell them to cancel your student dorm."

"Sounds like a plan."

"And then, Steve and D.J., your credits are transferable, so they'll transfer. And then, Steve are you going to take the LSAT test?"

"That's the plan for now", Steve said. "I can take it there?"

"Yes, which was quite a good thing for us. We've had many more applicants now that the test is available."

"Good", Steve said. "Hopefully I'll pass."

"You will", D.J. said, certain he would. From her point of view, Steve could do anything. He could sweet, yet tough. He could be protective yet firm. He was everything.

"Well, that's everything. You're all set and enrolled."

"Great", D.J. said. Then they all stood up.

"Well, I guess I'll see you two at orientation on August 24. There'll be a letter coming in the mail soon for that, but I just wanted to let you know."

"August 24", D.J. said. "Got it." Steve and D.J. watched Andrea leave the outdoor café.

They held hands as they left the parking lot.

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REVIEW! What did you think? Did you like the ending? Is it realistic enough?


	8. Deciding

Hey, readers!

Well, I'm back and am I ever glad. It was driving me crazy to be away from my work so long. I'm so happy to be back that I put on "Walking on Sunshine" and turned the volume up, and updated a bunch already, and I just got home from school. Enjoy this chapter. I hope you like it. I have some huge plans for this story, and I can't wait to see how you guys react to them!

Chapter 8

The days crept into August and into a time where things were changing and shifting. D.J. and Steve were married and going to college. Steph was going into high school. Michelle was going into her last year of elementary school. Danny and Becky were still hosting Wake-Up, San Francisco, while Joey was going on a comedy tour and visiting his girlfriend, Stacey, and Jesse had an album out in November. Nicky and Alex were going into their last year of pre-school. Everything was changing and shifting, yet some things were staying the same, too.

And in the present tense of things, things weren't changing or shifting much at all. And that for Steph was a problem. She still hadn't made up with Gia and it was frustrating. She didn't have anyone to talk about boys with. She didn't have anyone to do hair and make-up with. Nobody to put on nail polish with and no one to eat Mint Chocolate ice cream with. She could do those things with her sisters, sure, but Michelle was too young and D.J. was too old. D.J. was at a point where she needed Becky more than she needed Steph. They were still amazingly close, but Stephanie had a sinking suspicion it wasn't going to last much longer.

"Hey, Steph."

She turned to see her uncle coming towards her. "What's up?"

"Nothing." She'd been saying that to people way too often. She was getting sick of it. And the worst part about it was that it was true in the first place: She really didn't have a best friend anymore. Gia had dropped her.

Sometimes it seemed wrong to still want to be friends with a girl who'd dumped her, but Steph did. She didn't want to give up on Gia just yet. She was too much like Steph and too good of a friend not to do anything about. It seemed stupid to her, to get dumped in the first place. She hadn't done anything wrong. Steph knew that already. She knew what Gia did, she just didn't know why she did it. Wasn't Steph good enough? What was wrong with her? There wasn't anything wrong with her, was there? She hoped not. What if—

"Nothing", her uncle said teasingly, pulling her mind off Gia for now.

"Yeah", Steph said. "Nothing."

Her family had to have gotten the hint when Gia stopped coming over and Steph started acting bored and listless. They must've because ever since mid-June they'd been smothering her with questions, and asking "what's up?' too many times for one day. She hated herself for hating it, for hating the subtle help they were trying to give her, but Steph did.

At least nobody had said, "This never happened to your sister, you know." Or "When this happened to me, I…" Steph hoped it would stay that way.

"Steph, are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Really."

And she was, for a girl who didn't have a best friend. For a girl who'd been dumped.

"You're sure?" Uncle Jesse asked again.

"I'm sure." She faked a bright smile and she knew her uncle saw through it. But all he said was, "maybe you'd better talk to your sister about this."

"Maybe I will", Steph said, even though she wouldn't. And as she watched her uncle walk away, she felt distinctly sad they hadn't gotten anywhere.

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Steve and D.J. were lying in their bed a few blocks away, in their house. The sun was shining through the windows. They'd been snuggling and kissing and falling asleep together for the past few hours. It was 9:00 now. Suddenly, D.J. jumped up.

"Hey", she said. "Let's go for a run." She didn't wait for her husband's answer. She was already rummaging through her drawers and pulling out a pair of sky blue short shorts and a white tank top. She was pulling on a pair of shorty socks when Steve finally got up. She pulled on her shoes and put her hair into a pony-tail while he dressed.

"I'm excited", D.J. said, and he knew she was. They set off down the sidewalk, increasing speed as they went. The nest thing they knew, they had let go of hands and were racing each other at top speed. They were two running blurs and speed and exhilaration and power. They ran ten miles before they reached home again. There, the two showered and dressed. D.J wore a pair of white cotton shorts and a blue tank top. She slipped on a pair of flip-flops and let her hair air-dry. Steve wore jean shorts and a gray T-shirt.

"Ready, Deej?" Steve asked his wife.

"Yeah", she said, and the two headed over to her father's house.

Once there, she kicked off her flip-flops and wandered upstairs to her sister's room.

"Steph?"

"Deej. Not now." Steph sounded bored.

"Steph, it's OK. Maybe I can help."

"Believe me, you already did."

"Steph…Fine. If you want to talk, I'm here." She padded downstairs in bare feet to the kitchen. Becky was there, along with Michelle, Danny, and the boys.

"Oh, D.J., Andrea Tompton called."

"Oh, OK. What did she want?"

"She just called to remind you and Steve of the orientation happening on the 24 and school starts September second, and to tell you that you're ready and enrolled."

"I should call her back and give her our house number."

"You got your phone working?"

"Yeah", D.J said. "I'll give you the number in case you guys need us for anything." She grabbed a pen and some paper and wrote down the number—234-5638—and handed it to Becky so she could program it into the white cordless phone.

"Where's Steph", Uncle Jesse asked, coming into the kitchen from his studio.

"How should I know?" D.J. asked.

"Weren't you just talking to her?"

"No, actually, I just talked to her door instead."

"I tried to talk to her, too", Jesse said. " Earlier today. She denied everything every time I tried to pry it out of her."

"Maybe you shouldn't try so hard", Becky said. "Maybe we should let her be."

"Let her be!" D.J. exclaimed. "We can't just do that!"

"But maybe we should", Becky said quietly. "Maybe we should let her work it out on her own."

"But, but…" D.J.'s sentence trailed off. Steph could not just _be_. She couldn't! What if Gia did something nasty? What if _Steph_ did something nasty? What if…

D.J. had always been protective of her sisters. She always had. It was almost like she had to play Mom, since Pam couldn't anymore. It was like it was her job now to take care of her sisters. It had been that way, at least, until Becky and Jesse married. It still was. As much as Stephanie and Michelle loved Aunt Becky, D.J. was the one who took care of them. She was the one they counted on.

Even Danny could see that. In those first couple years, D.J. was a mother much more than he was a father. He had at one point been scared of his daughters turning away from him, needing someone he couldn't be. He knew a dad was an irreplaceable thing in a girl's life, but he couldn't help thinking they needed a mother more.

A while later, Steph came downstairs. She was going to do it. She was going to make-up with Gia.


	9. Back on Track

Hey, guys

Hey, guys!

Well, I'm back again. This chapter was really fun to write, but I just have one thing for you to think about while you're reading: Is Steph taking over? I feel like whenever I even mention Stephanie, she automatically takes off, putting D.J. and Steve in the backseat of the story. This is about Steph, too, just….Oh, I don't know! Just review, OK? I'm stuck on that question.

Well, enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 9

Deciding to do it had been the easy part. Doing it, Steph learned now, was a whole lot harder.

She was standing nervously at the gate of the Golden Gate Pool. Clad in her pink bikini, white sarong and white flip-flops, Steph thought she looked good. Looking good, though, didn't matter much at all right now. She held on tight to her big straw beach bag as she went through the gate and strode over to a chair and set her bag down. She had already spotted Gia standing with her grade's most popular girls, laughing and talking and looking, to Steph's point of view, like she fit right in. _How did that even happen?_ Steph wondered again. Gia had gone from Tough Gia, to Nice Gia, and now she was Preppy Gia? That didn't even make sense. It didn't to Steph. And probably not to Gia, either. When they had been friends, they'd talked about the popular girls and how nasty they were. Steph never thought Gia would actually want to be one. Who knew? She remembered maybe one time when Gia had mentioned _maybe_ being one.

Flashback

It was a Friday night. Another one spent together. Gia and Stephanie were sitting at the table in her room, pouring over the latest issue of teen magazines. Gia closed her magazine.

"Steph?"

"Yeah?" Steph didn't look up.

"Well…"

"Gia, check out these shoes. I love the detailing."

"Steph." Stephanie looked up at her friend's face. She closed her magazine.

"What?"

"It's just….do you ever think…"

"Do I ever think what, Gia?"

"About being…one of them?"

"One of who?"

"One of the poulars?" Gia said that last part as more of a question than a statement, as if she wasn't quite sure herself what she wanted.

"Why would you want to be one of them?"

"I don't know. Just forget it."

And so Steph did.

End flashback

Now Steph felt more nervous. _Just do it_, the voice in her head told her. _Don't be a chicken._ Steph looked over at Gia and her "friends." _OK_, she thought, trying to be brave. _I'll do it._

She walked up to the girls and said boldly, "Hey, Gia."

"Hey, Steph", Gia said, surprising her. "Guys, this is Steph. Steph, this is Mehgan, Brittany, Lauren, Brianne and Ashley", Gia said, pointing to each girl as she spoke, as she were the leader, when in fact it was the other way around.

Meghan had dark brown hair that went past her shoulders and shined in the sun-light. Her teeth were perfectly straight and white. Brittany had dark blonde hair and deep blue eyes. Brianne had curly, golden blonde hair and big, bright blue eyes, framed by long, dark lashes. Ashley had long, dark hair and green eyes the color of celery. Lauren had golden brown hair that was long and curled naturally at the ends, and green eyes. All the girls were medium height, slender, well-dressed, and confident. They knew what their positions were in the ranking of the popularity crowd. They also knew how much trouble they'd get into if they didn't live up to them.

"Hi, Steph", the girls said.

"Hi", Steph said back.

"We were just talking about Christ Bennets. Gosh. I love his eyes." Having said this, Meghan sighed dreamily. Steph liked Chris Bennets, too! _Well, isn't that just great_, she thought to herself happily. With is blonde hair streaked with golden brown and his deep green eyes, Chris Bennets was hard not to like.

"He is such a babe", Steph piped up.

"Totally, right?" Lauren agreed. Gia smiled at Steph. Steph smiled back.

They were friends again.

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D.J. and Steve were just walking up to the front door of their house a few hours later when Stephanie came clambering after them.

"Guess what!" She shouted happliy at them. "Guess!"

"I don't know", D.J. said, stepping through the door Steve held open for her. Steph went in, too. She could smell the new paint-wood floor/new house smell, but she was too excitied to notice anything else.

"I made up with Gia!" She was so loud she nearly blew the roof off.

"You did!" D.J.'s scream was just as loud, if not louder.

"I think I'll let yiu girls talk. I'll be over at the store, OK?" He kissed his wife before leaving.

"So", D.J. said, sitting down in a chair and turning to her sister. "Tell me everything."

"OK. So I was at the pool, right? And there was Gia, right? She was standing with a bunch of girls and I was like, 'Oh, no what if I can't do this?'" Watching her sister, D.J. knew Steph loved this: Telling someone. "But, I didn't want to, you know, wimp out, so I go over there all nervous and everything and say hi to Gia and she said hi back and she introduced me all the popular girls. And then we started to talk about Chris Bennets. Gosh, I love his eyes."

"So, wait a minute", D.J. said. And Steph looked up.

"What?" She said.

"So, now you're friends again, just like that?"

"Yes", Steph said slowly. "Why?"

"Isn't that a little…fast?" D.J. knew Steph was happy. And she knew she should be building her up, not tearing her down. Something just didn't feel right about this. It was a little too….easy.

"No", Steph said. "Not really. Why did you ask?"

"Just wondering."

"Sure?"

"Sure", D.J. said.

"Well, anyway, they're all so nice."

"Who's nice?"

"Lauren, Britt, Meghan, Bri, Ash. Everyone. They're all so cool."

"That's great, Steph. Really."

"I think so, too", Steph said, smiling. "I think so, too."

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"Do you want to stay for supper, Steph?" D.J. asked two hour later.

"Sure", Steph said. "It's a lot calmer than our house." D.J. smiled at that. "Should we call Daddy to let him know?"

"Yeah, D.J. said. "You're always thinkin', aren't you, Steph?"

"Growing up in a house like ours, you gotta be." They both laughed before D.J. picked up the phone. She dialed the familiar number and waited for her father to answer.

"Hey, Daddy", D.J. said once he'd picked up. "Yep. She's here. She's gonna stay for supper, if that's OK." D.J. listend a moment. "OK", she said. "I will. Bye." She turned to Steph and smiled, putting the phone down. "You're good to go", she said.

"Yay!" Steph said. And then they all laughed.

Steve and D.J. cooked a meal of noodles, veggies and sauce. While they worked, Steph could hear them laughing and talking. She knew they were in love. She knew marrying each other had been the right thing for them. She saw them kiss a slow, deep kiss and squealed inside. She loved her sister. She loved to see her happy. And with Steve, she always would be. She was thinking of this when D.J. called her into the kitchen.

"Supper's ready", she said, and the three say down together.

"Dig in, Steph", Steve said. So Steph did.

And, as she sat around the table with her sister and brother-in-law and ate their wonderful food and talked with them, Steph couldn't help but feel a little bit lucky. She had a family that loved her. She had friends. She was happy and well. She had Gia for a best friend again.

Life was back on track.


	10. Sick

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

September was almost here.

And that meant that school started. In approximately one week, actually. For D.J. and Steve, that sounded pretty reasonable. That meant that they would wake up at around 6:30.

"Are you excited, Michelle?" D.J. asked her sister.

"Uh-huh", her sister said. "I can't wait to do that egg-drop project."

"I just hope you don't run away and get married afterward", D.J. said, and they both laughed.

"What are you two giggling about", Joey asked, coming into the kitchen.

"About the time when Steph was eight and ran away and got married to Harry."

"That was pretty funny", Joey said. "But me favorite part was when she said, 'see? I'm stuck in the middle again!'"

"Who said what now?" Steph asked coming down the stairs.

"Oh, nothing", Joey said and he hid a smile to D.J. and Michelle before walking out the door.

Minutes later, the whole family piled into the kitchen for breakfast. Pancakes, which usually smelled so good to her, made D.J. feel nauseas. As her father turned the cakes, the nausea increased. And finally, D.J. clapped a hand over her mouth and raced to the bathroom and threw up three times. Steve was waiting outside the door when she finished.

"Deej, what happened?"

"I don't know. I just felt icky all of the sudden."

"Are you OK now?"

"I-I'm not sure. Maybe I should sit down." So she did.

She didn't go back into the kitchen. Just thinking about the pancakes and sausages they were having made her feel like running to the bathroom all over again.

"Are you sure you're OK?" Steve said, coming into the living room after breakfast, where his wife was lying on the couch, watching TV.

"I'm better now. Still kind of tired."

"Maybe you should take a nap", Steve suggested.

"Maybe I will", she said. And she let him take her up to their bedroom upstairs and tuck her in and kiss her on the forehead. She loved how sweet and protective he was. It made her feel good to know that someone loved her and watched out for her. It made her feel safe.

"Sleep well", he said. "I'll be back in a while to check on you." And then he shut the door.

Despite the calmness and quiet of the room, D.J. didn't sleep very well. She tossed and turned and still felt queasy. About two hours later, Steve was back to check on her.

"How are you feeling, Deej?" His question was quiet. She turned to him, her face a bit pale.

"Not so good", she said. Tears were threatening to fill her eyes and she felt stupid because of it. She hated feeling and looking so weak in front of someone she knew was so strong. But she didn't mind when he laid in bed with her, his back resting on the headboard, with pillows stacked up. She also didn't mind when he put his arms around her and let her lay her head on his chest. She slept the rest of the day, threw up a few more times, and had Steve very worried.

Later that night, back in their own house, it happened again. It was 2:30 AM and D.J.'s stomach roared. She rolled out of bed as Steve said, "Again?" She nodded and quickly went off to the bathroom. Steve could hear her retching and he felt terrible. He hated that she was so sick. He hated not to be able to do anything. To just have to be the husband. And the one to reassure her that everything was going to be OK, when he didn't know himself yet.

"I don't like this", Steve said to his wife the next morning when she got out of bed to throw up again.

"I don't like this either", she said. And then she sprinted off to the bathroom.

That day, D.J. put on a pair of jean shorts and a pink T-shirt. She slipped on a apair of flip-flops. Then she headed over to her father's house. She didn't feel all that great, but she thought once she got there, she would.

She didn't.

The noise and craziness alone were enough to make her feel like puking. And when the whiff of bacon wafted into her nose, she sped off to the bathroom, all ready for the fireworks.

They came. Not long after she got in there, she felt her stomach contract hard. It burned coming back up and she wondered again what it could be. When she finished, D.J. got up off her knees, rinsed her mouth and brushed her teeth.

"You OK" She half-expected it to be her husband, but he was over visiting his parents, She turned instead to see her aunt.

"Yeah", D.J. lied casually. "I'm OK."

"Maybe Steve should know about this", Back suggested.

"He already does." Steve, in fact, had seen the worst of her sickness.

"I'm worried about you."

D.J. was, too.

So, that was why, on the afternoon of the first day of school, D.J. went to the doctors.

"Well, D.J.", Doctor Jonhstone said. "I can already what you've got just by what you've told me: You've thrown up, having weird reactions to breakfast meat, have headaches and are tired. But, I'll let you see for yourself when the test results come. It's more exciting that way."

A week later she came home with her test results.

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REVIEW!!


	11. Positive

Hi, readers!

This is also a super fun chapter to write. I just couldn't stop and I'm hopeful I'll get it all done before my piano lesson. Enjoy!

Chapter 11

How could she not have seen this? How could she not have known this? How could she be so blind?

D.J. was still staring at the piece of paper that lay on the island at her house. It was a paper holding a piece of information that could, and would, change her life forever. And Steve's, too. She couldn't wait until he got home to tell him. Steve was taking a practice test for the LAST test that lawyers to be were required to take. D.J. had finished class at 2:00 and had driven back to see how everyone's first week of school had been. She hadn't talked to them much, with she and Steve starting school again, too. She missed them. And she wanted someone to talk to.

Michelle's had been great. Great, she said, because she knew where she was going _and_ she got to help the younger kids who didn't. It reminded D.J. again of how thoughtful and sweet her young sister was.

Nicky and Alex's first week of school had been great, too. Everyone laughed out loud when Nicky told a story of how Alex got a bucket stuck on his head and the teacher had to come help pull it off.

But the greatest day and week of school had been Stephanie's. Steph had worn a jean skirt that went a few inches above her knees, but was still appropriate. For a top she had put on a light pink tight fitting sweater that had a scoop neck and three-quarter sleeves. She had left her hair nice and straight, half up and half down held up by a silver and sparkling barrette. On her feet she put silver ballet flats and she had in pink shimmery earrings.

She looked fabulous.

Steph and Gia had sat with Meghan, Brittany, Brianne, Lauren and Ashley and dished and got all the latest school gossip. They'd all drooled over Chris Bennets after sixth period and had all wanted him to be theirs. She'd gotten invited to a party that Friday night. She was loving life with the In Crowd.

Now, though she was home.

D.J. had said she had to get home to wait for something in the mail. But, now that it was here and now that she knew what it was, she felt like spreading the news.

She called Steve's cell phone.

"Hey", she said. "It's me. I have some really great news for you. I'm going over to Daddy's, so go there instead of to our house. I Love you and I'll see you in a bit. Bye."

Then she raced over to her father's house.

You sure look happy today", Jesse said at the same time Joey said, "you're back already?' He knew she'd missed them for that week and a half, from not seeing them every minute of every day anymore.

"Yes and yes", D.J. said, laughing.

"You look like you're about to burst", Becky said when D.J. came into the kitchen.

"I am;, she said. "I have some news to tell you all but I have to wait until Steve gets here."

The hour waiting for Steve was torture for D.J. She'd told herself that if she had waited a week for the test results to come she should be able to wait just one more hour. That was what she had told herself.

That didn't mean it had to be true.

She squirmed and fretted and paced and wondered. So, when Steve did arrive, she pounced. D.J. grabbed by the hand, pulled him into a kitchen and sat him in a chair, all without a proper hello.

"No kiss?" He asked like a little boy.

"Not now", she said. "First I've got some new to share."

"Oh. Yeah. That." She swatted him on the arm playfully before she called everyone and told them to come down to the kitchen, pronto.

Steph came from upstairs where she had been doing her homework and taking with her friends on the phone. Michelle had come from her room, where she too had been doing her homework. Nicky and Alex came from playing outside. Danny and Becky came from the living room where they had been preparing the itinerary for next week's shows. Jesse came up from his studio, and Joey appeared from his bedroom, where he had been practicing his act for his comedy tour in November, the same Jesse's album is due out.

Finally they were all there.

And when they were all there all eyes rested on D.J. And the piece of paper she held in her hands.

"OK", she said, taking a deep breath. "You all know I've been sick and just not feeling like myself lately, right?" Nods from the group. "Well", D.J said, smiling. "Now I know why. Here", she said, giving the paper to Steve. "I'll let you read it first." The others groaned, but they were quiet while Steve read silently to himself. When he finished, he lifted his gaze toward his wife's and she smiled at him knowingly. He threw his arms gently around his wife.

"No", he said.

"Yes!"

"Oh, Deej!" He said. Steve was so happy he felt like running a million miles.

"What? What?" The rest of the family asked.

"I'm having a baby!" D.J. practically screamed at them.

And at that, everyone got up to laugh and cry and hug D.J.

"Oh, Deej", Steph said. "Is it really true?"

"I knew it", Becky exclaimed. "I knew it!"

"There's your proof, Steph", D.J said and she laughed.

The others joined in, too.

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Later that night, the whole family sat around the table to a candle-light dinner. Danny had cooked D.J.'s favorite—cheeseburgers—for the meal. Who cared if the food wasn't festive? The mood definitely was.

"To babies", Danny said, raising his glass in a toast. The others followed his lead.

"To babies", they said and then they clinked their glasses.

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REVIEW!! Did you like it? Was it realistic? The next chapter will be up soon!


	12. Happiness

Chapter 12

D.J. felt like she might burst.

She was lying in her bed later that night, next to Steve and trying to go to sleep. She wasn't doing a very good job. Nor was she trying very hard.

"I'm happy", she said, turning to her husband.

"I'm happy, too", he said. She could feel the gentle touch of his hand sliding down to her stomach, where it lay. She could already feel the baby, even though she was only one month along. The moon was shining brightly into their room and that way she could see his face and know that he really meant it: He really was happy about the baby.

They had talked it over—the whole family, everyone—that she would have it and keep it and still go to school. She'd take maternity leave but have Steve pick up her assignments so she wouldn't fall behind. D.J. was going to school to get a language arts degree. She loved being on the paper staff in the eighth grade, and she wanted to continue writing and dealing with words, but she also loved kids and wanted to teach them. She was going for an eighth grade certificate. She wanted it more than anything.

Well, besides the baby.

And, when she had the baby, she would stay with him or her until it was time to go back to school. And when it was time to go back to school, the family would watch it. Not everyone worked the exact same days with the exact same schedule, so it worked out perfectly.

That was one of those times when D.J. loved having a big family. Because she did, her baby would grow up with lots of love. She would never be bored. She would never be alone. She—wait, D.J. thought to herself. She shouldn't be calling the baby a _she_. Not yet. Not until month five, and her fifth sonogram. That wasn't fair.

Just the thought of a boy or girl baby made D.J. want to squeal with happiness.

So that was why she practically lept out of bed the next morning to throw up. I'm having a baby was the first thing she thought when she opened her eyes. The few minutes before she felt her stomach contract she lay there in the bed next to Steve, her hand on her stomach, and thought aboyt how exciting it would be when the baby would kick.

"Do you want to shower first", Steve asked his wife.

"How much time do we have?'

"An hour", Steve replied.

"You can go first", she said.

"OK", he said. "I'll let you sleep." She rolled over, pulled the blankets up to her chin, and vefore she knew it, Steve was gently shaking her saying, "Deej? Honey? It's time to wake up." She yawnmed and slowly got up.

"I'm up. I'm up", she said as she slowly made her way to the bathroom. Steve laughed and kissed his wife. When D.J. was in the bathroom, standing at the counther in her bra and underwear, Steve brought her a glass of orange juice.

"Thank you, she said to him.

"This is OK for the baby, right?"

"I think so." She loved that he was so concerned on keep her safe. On keeping the baby safe.

"Ready for school. Deej?"

"Uh-huh", she said. "Let's go." And so they did. And when they did, they found D.J.'s English teacher waiting for them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Hales? May I speak with you?" The late-thirty looking woman sounded nervous.

"Yes." Steve and D.J. were nervous now, too. Steve knew she was. He put his arm protectively around his wife's waist as they all walked to a small conference room.

"Your father called, D.J., to let us in on your 'situation.'" D.J. was stunned. How could her father do that? Didn't he know that she was mature enough to handle things on her own? Didn't he?

"Are you….Is it?...?" The woman's sentence trailed off and she looked more nervous now.

"Yes", D.J. said, to save the poor woman from more nervousness. "I'm going to continue school but take maternity leave, though.

"OK. Good." The woman looked relieved, but D.J. was fuming inside.

So that was why when they were done with school for the day and over at her father

S house, she exploded.

"Daddy, how could you!" She was in the kitchen, hands on her hips, and glaring at her father.

"Do what?" He was playing the innocent game. She didn't believe a second of it.

"Call the school!" She shouted. "Make me feel so babyish! So stupid!

"Deej, I'm sorry", Danny tried to tell his daughter. And he did look sorry but she didn't care. She was still too mad. Too angry.

"Well that's not good enough! I'm a grown, married, and pregnant woman and I can take care of things myself." She shouted at him. "Don't you know that?" She did not want to cry. It was then that Steve put his hand on her arm.

"Deej, it's OK. It's not good for the baby if you're stressed." D.J. then turned herself into her husband's arms, hugged him hard, and tried her hardest not to cry.

"Deej, I'm sorry", Danny said quietly to his daughter. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"It's OK, Daddy", D.J. said, feeling guilty already. She didn't want to hurt him anymore. "It's OK."


	13. Happy and Sad

Hey, guys!

Review, will you? I love this story, but it's not nearly as fun when I don't get reviews. I'm sorry to be pushy about that. I just love reviews!

Chapter 13

"I am so sick of being sick", D.J. said, standing up.

"I know, Deej", Steve said, wrapping his arms around his wife and kissing the top of her head. "I know you are."

It was another morning. Another morning of sickness. Another morning of school. Another morning of everyday life. Another morning. When D.J. was done throwing up, she got up off her knees, rinsed her mouth and came out of the bathroom. It had been two times she'd thrown up that morning, two weeks after the news of the baby, and a month of throwing up. She was already sick of it.

Steve allowed his wife to go into the shower. And when she came out, he smelled her hair on the way in. It smelled wonderful, like strawberries.

"Hey", she said, smiling. "I thought you were coming into to shower, not to smell my hair. Go." She pointed to the door and put on her sternest face.

"OK, Mom, I'm going."

They laughed as he went through the door.

That day, it was still nice and warm, so D.J. put on a jean skirt, a white cami and pink cardigan. She slipped on a pair of silver flats, curled her hair and put on lip-gloss. She was ready.

"Steve are you ready?" She called.

"Yep. Hold on just a second, Deej", he said.

And there was Steve. He was dressed in khaki shorts, a blue shirt and white tennis shoes. She loved when he wore blue because it made his blue eyes look even bluer.

"Ready?" Now _he_ was the one asking _her_.

"Yeah", she said. And off they went.

When they got home that day, the red button on their answering machine was blinking. Steve pushed the button, letting the silvery, polished voice of the receptionist fill the room.

"Hi, I'm calling, Mr. and Mrs. Hales, to let you know of your ultra-sound scheduled for October fourth, at 3:00. Thanks so much and we look forward to seeing you."

"When's October fourth?" Steve wondered aloud.

"That's what I was wondering, too", D.J. said, scanning the calendar. "Tomorrow!" She exclaimed when she'd found the date. "October fourth's tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah", D.J. said. "I hadn't realized it was that close to October already. I didn't realize it was that long ago that we'd had the first one."

"Me neither", Steve said. "But aren't you excited?" She smiled at that.

"Yeah", she said. "I am."

And she was. She really was, in fact. But there were times when she wasn't, too. Times like at night, when she had time to think about her mother. Times like after she found out she was carrying a little life inside her and wondering if her mother was OK with this. Wondering if it was OK that she was rubbing it in her mother's face that she was going on with life, having a baby.

"Deej, you OK?"

"Yeah", she said, coming back to reality, a place where her mother was not.

"No, you're not. Deej, I have known you my entire life and that's certainly long enough to know when you're fine and when you're not. And right now I know you're not." She turned to face him, the man who claimed to love her and that baby for the rest of his life, and forever.

"I'm fine", she said. And then she walked away.

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The next morning when D.J. got up to puke, Steve couldn't help but ask,"Are you OK?"

"I'm fine", she said quickly before she closed the door to the bathroom, shutting him out.

That afternoon, D.J. and Steve were sitting in the hard, plastic chairs you often find in waiting rooms. It was 3:00 and time for their sonogram. And, right on cue, the nurse, smiling and young, called their name. She led them into a small room D.J. had only been in once. For her first sonogram.

"Doctor Johnstone will be in in a minute", she said politely, and then she was gone. D.J. and Steve sat in yet another set of hard, plastic chairs and not saying anything. The pain from the pervious night's fight was still fresh in their minds. Steve hated to see his true love so sad, while D.J. hated to even have to be sad in the first place. And they both felt bad about it.

D.J., Steve", Doctor Jonhstone said coming into the room. "So glad you could come." D.J. didn't think so, but she said she was, too, anyway.

"We'll have you come up here", the doctor said, ushering to a cushioned table. She laid on the table and sucked in her breath as the doctor spread the gel-like substance onto her stomach.

"This may be a bit cold", the doctor said, rubbing the gel smooth. "Ready?" The doctor asked now.

"Ready", D.J. answered. And she was. The doctor turned on the machine and pressed the stethoscope-like object to the places she had put the gel.

"There's your baby", the doctor said. And there it was. Their baby was there, on that very screen. _Their baby._ The doctor stood smiling, then leaned in to look at something on the screen.

"Oh, my", the doctor said softly.

"What?" D.J. asked. She suddenly wished they could forget about the fight and he could just get here and be with her. And that's what he did. She loved him for it. He came up and grabbed her hand. The doctor examined it one more time before she said with a bright smile, "you're having twins!"

"No!"

"Yes", Doctor Jonhstone said, smiling. "You are having twins."

"Shouldn't she be bigger?" Steve asked.

"Oh, she will be", the doctor told him reassuringly. "It could happen overnight. Right before your eyes. Tonight, even."

And that's just what happened. When D.J. got up to throw up, she was so surprised, she screamed. Steve shot out of sleep as if someone had thrown ice in him.

"What?" He asked frantically. "What's wrong?"

"Look at me!" She shouted, even though that in fact the last thing she wanted. Steve turned toward his wife and immediately, his face broke into a grin.

"Oh, honey, he said, coming over to his wife. "You're not that big."

"Yes", she said. "I am."

She was wearing pink silk pajamas but that wasn't what she was fretting about. It was what was protruding from her middle that she was upset about. It wasn't very much, but she could tell it was visible now. It had startled her. She wasn't ready to look out of shape just yet.

"C'mon", Steve said. "Let's shower and dress and head over to your dad's." He knew what she wanted. He knew what made her happy. He knew her better than she knew herself. And right now, going over to her father's was what she needed. And it was what she wanted to do.

And so that's what they did. They had a bit more news to tell their family.


	14. Seeing Something

Hey, guys

Hey, guys.

This chapter you might find a bit odd. I start off with one topic, then end in another. I hope you still like it. REVIEW!!

Chapter 14

The first thing anyone said when they got through the door of her father's house was when Joey said, "What happened to _you_?" D.J. wanted to smack him. She felt better when Steph did.

"What?" Joey said. "Look at her."

"Couldn't have you been a little nicer?" Becky took the liberty to say.

"It's OK", D.J. said, sitting in between her sister and her aunt. "I was surprised, too. You should've heard my scream and seen Steve's face." D.J. laughed and looked apologetically over at her husband, who blew her a kiss in return. D.J. blushed and then she laughed and then she blew a kiss back.

"How did you get so big?" Becky asked now. "I was only that big when I" and then she stopped. And let out a whoop of delight. "I don't believe it!"

"Well, believe it, sister, because it's true."

"What's true?" Everyone else wanted to know.

"That I'm having twins!" She shouted at them. And then the bombs went off.

"Oh, Deej!" Steph shouted, throwing her arms around her sister. "I can't believe it!" D.J. wrapped her arms around her sister and hugged her.

"Aunt Becky?" D.J. asked. "Just out of curiosity, how big will I _get_?" Becky laughed.

"Pretty big", she answered, laughing. D.J. looked so alarmed that everyone laughed again.

"Don't worry, Deej". Steve said. "I'll still love you when you get big."

"Gee, thanks", she said, and then everyone laughed again. This time, D.J. joined in, too.

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A few weeks later, when the days were crawling toward November already, Steph spend that Saturday at her sister's. It was late that night when D.J. brought her home.

"I don't want you walking home yourself", D.J. told her younger sister.

"I don't want you walking home by yourself, either", Steve said, laying one hand on his wife's arm. She smiled at her husband's concern for her safety. For her and the babies' safety.

"I'll be fine. It's just a few blocks", she said reassuringly to her husband. Steve let her take Steph home but not without watching through the kitchen window.

When D.J. arrived at the door and let Steph in, her father said, "You look tired."

"I am", she said, stifling a yawn.

While she was walking home, the air was cool and the night was dark. And while she was walking, she saw something horrible.

She saw her mother's crash.

It happened suddenly. She was walking along and there it was. It came to her in flash-back mode and it was startling. She'd just been starting to forget little pieces, and here it was, coming back to her all over again. She stood there on the sidewalk, not moving. Just watching. She watched her mother's car come down the street, in a fog-like dream. She watched the car come behind her mother, on the far end of the street. She heard the cold, hard metal clashing and the squeal of the tires and of the brakes that didn't work. Just as the two cars crashed, she let out a frightened scream. Suddenly, Steve came running and it wasn't real anymore. He wrapped his arms around her. D.J. was shaking terrible from fright. She wasn't in the fog, she wasn't watching a horror unfold before her eyes anymore. Instead, she was shaking and crying and trying to hold on.

"Shh, baby", Steve soothed.

"Oh, God", she sobbed, as hard as she tried not to. "I saw…." She let her sentence trail off. She wasn't so sure she could say what she saw. She wasn't even sure she could think it. Steve didn't say anything. He scooped her up and took her back to their house. He laid her on the bed, helped her undress, and laid with her in the bed, the lights dimmed and the room warm. His hand automatically went to her stomach and caressed it softly.

"Baby?" Steve asked his wife. This was a time to call her "baby". She was obviously hurting.

"Hmm?" She felt half-asleep. She hoped she wouldn't end up in the fog again, watching a car crash that had happened years ago and yet was one that D.J. couldn't let go of just yet. She felt like she never would. She really didn't want to. She just wanted her mother back.

"Baby, what happened?" She sucked in her breath. She thought he might ask that. And she hated him for it. The pain of the fight they had had about not being fine had put away in their minds with the news of the twins, but that didn't mean it had gone away or was forgotten. Because it wasn't.

D.J. looked to the ceiling and didn't answer her husband's question. She didn't want to tell him. She didn't want to relive it. She didn't want to be sad. She didn't want Steve to question her about being fine. Mostly because she didn't know if she was fine herself yet.

"I was just walking home, walking on the sidewalk", she started out fearfully. She wasn't sure how this was going to go. Steve turned to her. He was surprised she even started talking. "Just walking home…until I saw…..I saw…" D.J.'s breath caught in her throat. She hated herself so much in that moment she didn't know what to do. She hated—absolutely _hated_—to feel so sad, to crash down to reality so hard, to have this be so difficult for her. She hated to be so sad and yet here she was, feeling dreadfully sad.

What was wrong with her?

She felt so good and happy and alive one minute, and then she was falling into the painful reality of death the next. She hated to be sad and yet she was sad. She loved to be happy and yet she wasn't. She used to be so good at covering up what she felt inside. She'd had to, for her sisters. Her father had insisted that she didn't have to put on an act, and yet she did. The mask was slipping more and more easily now that she knew she was going to become a mother, and her own mother wasn't going to be here for it.

She sometimes wondered how in the world she'd gotten Steve and straight A's all while this was going on. She'd pushed her mother out of the way during middle school and elementary school and high school and now here she was, in college, married, and expecting and here she was, breaking down like a baby and seeing crashes that no one could. Or did. What was up? How could she fix this? She couldn't go around being sad all the time: She didn't want to, either. She couldn't show that side of her to her children when they were born. She didn't want to have to. She wanted to feel good and happy and yet have her mother here, too. She knew that was out of the question for sure, but she still wanted to be happy.

Steve sat up and pulled her into his arms and she let him. She thought about pulling away from him, not wanting to show how weak she was, but she didn't. She loved him too much. She didn't want to hurt him anymore that she already had.

D.J. could hear the rain start tap-tapping on the roof and suddenly she wished she were out in that rain, renewing herself. She wished she could make herself whole again. But, with sadness she realized that no matter how long she stood out in the rain, no matter how hard and how long she tried to remake herself, renew herself, she knew she never could. There would always be parts of her missing.

Maybe that's what made her keep going.

"I saw….I saw….her car…and the other car….and they…crashed….I saw the whole thing." She did not want to cry. Her eyes misted over and her vision of Steve blurred. He pulled her even closer, even though her stomach was in the way and hugged her for a long time.

"I should've been there", he murmured in her ear.

"No, you shouldn't have", she murmured back. "It was horrible." She could feel him start to rub her back.

"I should've", he contradicted. "I could've saved you."

"From what?" She asked quietly.

"From pain." She sucked in her breath again. She'd hated that he'd said that.

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REVIEW!! So, what did you think? I know I'm writing a lot about her mother and her missing her. It'll get better. She'll get better. What do you think about her having twins? Do you like it? Or not? Please, please, please review!


	15. Back in Town

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The next afternoon, Steve came home to find D.J. sitting at the island on one of the tall bar-like stools. She was bent over her laptop, scribbling notes down, and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, all at the same time. Steve wondered how she did it. She was doing research for a term paper focused on the effects of reading on adolescent minds. She was fining piles of information.

"Hey, Deej."

"Hey", she said. "How did your practice test go?"

"Good", he said. Steve came over and wrapped his arms around D.J.'s neck, kissed her.

"That was good, too", she said. He smiled.

"How was your day", he asked her now. She looked pained at the memory. "What?" He asked. "What happened?"

"I threw up", she said.

"You did? When?"

"In my first class. It was _so_ humiliating." He took her hand. He needed to be near her right now.

"I bet it was," he said.

"It was. I had to run out of the room saying "excuse me" and "I-I'm going to be sick" like an idiot."

"You're no idiot", he said.

"I sure felt like one", she said. He hugged her again. She loved him for it.

"It'll get better", he said, sitting down in the stool next to hers.

"Will it? Sure, I'm not going to be sick anymore, but then I'll get bigger and bigger and people are going to start wondering and asking and laughing."

"I'll be here", Steve said gently. "Your family will be here. We'll get through it together."

And she knew that they would.

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Later that night, D.J. called her sister. She was lying on the couch, her hand resting on her bulging stomach, watching the news with Steve after supper.

"Hey, Steph."

"Hi", Steph said. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine", she said. _Why is everyone asking me that?_ she wondered again. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm great", Steph said. "Really, really great. Meghan, Brit, Lauren, Ash, Bri, Gia and I go to tons of parties and sleep-overs and drool over Chris Bennets. It's a blast."

"Well, great." D.J. was still uneasy about Gia letting her sister back in so fast. She knew there was a catch. There always was. But, D.J. also knew that if she said anything about her suspicions to Steph, she would get defensive and deny everything. So she didn't say anything. D.J. shifted on the couch uncomfortably. Her stomach was always throwing her off balance these days.

"So, what's new at the house?"

"Nothing, really. Well, wait: Vicky came back."

"What?" D.J. shouted into the phone. "What?" Steve looked over at his wife, questionable.

"When did this happen?"

"On Monday night. She came for dinner and she's staying near by."

"On Monday!" D.J. shouted again. It was now Wednesday. "What did she want? Why did she come back?"

"No one really knows. I suspect it was business and she stopped by to see Daddy."

"Speaking of Daddy, how do you think he's taking this? Does he seem happy to have her back?"

"He seems happy enough", Stephanie answered simply. That wasn't good enough for D.J. She had to get some answers.

"What about Uncle Jesse? Joey?"

"They seem a bit wary, I think", Steph said. This was one of those times when D.J. was glad Steph could be so mature.

"How do you mean?"

"They don't want to see Daddy get hurt again. Neither do I."

"Neither do I", D.J. said back. And then she yawned. "I'd better go, Steph, OK?"

"OK."

"Nut I'm coming to the house tomorrow. I've got to see this myself."

"I knew you'd say that!" Steph said, laughing.

"Bye, Steph."

"Bye." And then she hung up the phone.

"What's up?" Steve asked, turning his attention to his wife.

"Vicky's back."

"Vicky, you mean Danny's Vicky?"

"Yes. She's back. Since Monday night, apparently."

"Hmm. I wonder why."

"I don't know. Steph didn't know either. Nobody knows why yet. I'm going over there tomorrow after school to check things out."

And that's just what she did. Dressed in dark wash skinny maternity jeans, silver flats, a dark ocean blue cardigan left open and casual and a white, tight fitting T-shirt with beautiful detailing, D.J. showed up at her father's house at about 3:00 the next afternoon. Steph was there to greet her. She had just gotten there, too, from the mall, where she had been hanging out with her friends.

"Where's Vicky?" D.J. asked her sister.

"I'm not sure. I just got home, too." Steph and D.J. sat on the couch. They talked on the phone on the days D.J. wasn't there, but they still had plenty to talk about.

"Where's Steve?" Stephanie asked.

"He's still at the college, taking another practice test for the LSAT test."

"Oh. Do you think he'll pass?"

"Yeah. I" And then she stopped. And instead she watched Vicky come through the front door.

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Ooh, cliffy! REVIEW!!


	16. Giving More Than Thanks

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

D.J. quickly stood up to face her. Vicky's eyes went right to her stomach and D.J. was suddenly aware of how big it had grown. And how it looked.

"D.J., hi", Vicky said, a little unsure.

"Hey", she said and then D.J. smiled. And then she said, "Would you like some help with those?" Vicky looked down at the grocery bags in her arms.

"No", she said. "That's OK." And then she started for the kitchen. D.J. followed her, just as Steve came through the door.

"Hey", he said. "I saw another car out there." D.J. sighed.

"It's Vicky." With her sigh, he could tell she was not particularly pleased with this arrangement.

"What's so bad about that?" He asked gently. He didn't want to accuse her of anything.

"I just…I don't know", D.J. said, sighing again. "I just don't know what she's up to. That's all. I don't want Daddy to get hurt again." She was such a sap.

"Of course you don't", Steve cooed. "Should we go into the kitchen and see what's up?" She loved him. He always could find a way to make her smile.

"Yes", she said. "Lets."

And when they got into the kitchen, Vicky turned to them.

"Hi, guys", she said, smiling. "Your father tells me you're expecting." D.J. smiled again.

"Yes', D.J. replied. "Twins. They're due May 26."

"Oh", Vicky said. "That's exciting."

"We think so, too", Steve said, sitting down in a chair and pulling D.J. into his lap.

Steph came through the back door now, chattering on her cell phone to one of her friends. She noticed everyone there and said quickly, "Britt, I'd better go. Talk to you later, K? Bye." And then she noticed the tons of groceries Vicky had dumped on the table after unpacking them.

"What are all those for?" Stephanie wanted to know.

"Didn't your father tell you? He invited her for Thanksgiving." Thanksgiving! D.J. had completely forgotten about that. She had wanted to do something at the house, and she didn't know if she wanted Vicky there or not just yet.

Sure, she had been charming and sweet when she had been with her father, but D.J. wasn't so sure of her now.

"Great!" Steph said, moving right along. It sounded so sincere, D.J. didn't know if Steph was joking, or not. "Isn't that great, Deej?"

"Uh, yeah", she said. "Great." But she didn't mean it.

--

Before she knew it, it was Thursday, November 25, and D.J. was dressing for the Thanksgiving dinner at her father's house. Her closet didn't have anything to satisfy her today. She was standing in front of the mirror and frowning at every outfit she tried on. Steve poked his head into the room.

"Deej, are you?" He had come in to see if she was ready to go yet, but stopped when he saw the piles of clothes laying around the room. "You're still getting dressed?"

"Yes", she said huffily, sitting down on the bed. "I have nothing to wear." Steve laughed.

"Oh, you don't?" He picked out an outfit and presented it to her.

"No way", she said. "That's for when I'm skinny again. The fat clothes are over on the other side of the closet." He picked out an outfit from that side of the closet, but she shook her head at that one, too.

"What's wrong with this?" Steve asked, as he held out an ensemble of light tan pants, a purple sweater and green and blue sneakers. Gosh. Didn't guys know anything about fashion? That outfit totally didn't match.

"That totally clashes", she said, laughing. Steve pretended to look offended and she laughed again.

It took her another 45 minutes to decide on an outfit, which was dark wash jeans, a black sweater with a hot pink cami underneath, and her high-heeled black boots, and hurry up and finish her make-up. She was putting on the finishing touches to her lip-gloss when they pulled up to the house.

"What?" She said, when he looked at her, smirking. Í just want to look good." And then they got out of the car.

"Hey, Deej", Danny said to his daughter as he pulled open the door for her. "How're you—

"Don't you dare ask me how I'm feeling", she snapped. And then she walked into the house. Steve came up the steps to give an explanation for his wife's rudeness.

"Outfit crisis. She couldn't find anything to wear." Danny chuckled.

"I know how that goes", he said. "It's only D.J."

"Yeah", Steve agreed, smiling at the thought. "Only D.J."

As soon as D.J. stepped into the house, wonderful smelling things wafted through the living room.

"Mmm", she said. "Something smells good."

"Vicky's cooking", Steph piped up, sitting on the couch next to her sister.

"What?" D.J. looked now like Vicky was a snake, ready to bite her.

"What?" Steph asked worriedly. "Don't you like Vicky?" D.J. didn't reply.

"Uncle Jesse", Steph said as her uncle passed through the living room. "D.J. doesn't like Vicky." Her sister was such a tattletale. That was one of the things she'd managed to forget about Steph. And now it was back.

"Deej, is that true?"

"Ugh. No. I just….I don't want Daddy to get hurt again." She knew she was being stupid. Or at least if she wasn't, she sure felt like she was.

"I don't either, but you've to trust Vicky at least a little bit. She did love the man for a mere two years. She's in there, cooking dinner for out family. At least give her a chance. You owe her that much."

And she knew her uncle was right. And she knew she was going to try. She was going to try to give Vicky a chance.


	17. Author's Note

Author's Note

Author's Note

Hey, guys! I'm writing this author's note to get some feedback on some things in this story. OK. First off, should I not talk about D.J. missing her mother? Would that bug you if she was sad? Second off, do you want D.J. to stick to having twins? Or do you want me to change it? Would you mind? What do you think I should do with Vicky? Should D.J. hate her, love her….what? And don't worry, al you Stephanie-lovers, I have some great plans for Steph. It's coming. I've just got to focus on D.J. and Steve for a while.

Well, that's it. Write what you think in reviews, OK? I really need you help! I won't update until I get some reviews!

--Tay


	18. Two Hearts, One Loss

Chapter 18

Hi, guys!

This is where some of the drama I've been envisioning comes into play. This is finally the first taste of all that I can write, drama-wise. You may not like what happens in this chapter, but I felt it was meant to happen and I felt like it needed to happen. This story is spiraling off in a different direction than when it started. Please don't judge it by what happens in this chapter. It's going to be more than this. I promise.

Happy reading! PLEASE review!

Chapter 18

D.J. and Steve were on their way to their three-month sonogram. They were sitting in the plastic hard chairs just the same as the last time, but they were happier this time. They weren't angry anymore. Well, At least not at each other.

"D.J. and Steve Hales", chirped the young woman standing at the door to the waiting room. "The doctor's ready for you now." The couple got up obediently and followed the fast-paced woman to room 206: Doctor Jenna Johnstone. "The doctor will be with you momentarily", the nurse said, all the same. Little did they know, something was coming that would change everything. Steve held her hand as they sat and waited.

"You nervous?"

"No", she said. "Why should I be?"

"Oh, no reason. Something about this just feels different." She really looked at him now.

"What do you mean?"

"Just—" Steve's sentence trailed off as the doctor came into the room briskly. _People go way too fast in this place, _D.J. thought to herself as the doctor washed her hands and pulled on gloves.

"How are you feeling today, D.J.?" The doctor asked, leading her to the cushioned table.

"Good", she said. And she was. Well, at least she had been before Steve had started talking. Now she was just nervous. "Just nervous", she admitted now. She felt stupid. But it was true.

"Well, I'm sure you'll have nothing to worry about once we're finished." The doctor rubbed her stomach with gel and placed the reader on it. The image came up on the screen and when it did, D.J. knew something was missing. "Where's the other one?"

"That's what I was wondering, too", the doctor muttered worriedly to herself. She could save it, if she found it. D.J.'s heart beat faster knowing that only one of the babies was up there: Not two. It made her anxious. She didn't even have to turn her head before Steve came up and grabbed her hand, kissed it.

"It's going to be OK", he said. She could've asked him just how did he know that and what if it wasn't OK, anyway, but she didn't. She knew he was trying.

The minutes felt like hours and finally the doctor said, "I'm going to check something", and then flew out of the room. The doctor had tried so hard to find the "other one", and "checking on it" was her last resort. If she couldn't find it then….

Dr. Jonhstone came back in ten minutes and her whole demeanor was changed. And suddenly. D.J. knew something was seriously wrong. She could see it in the doctor's face and couldn't help but look away. She hated feeling pain, but she now suspected that she hated seeing it even more. Tears filled her eyes even before she was told what was wrong.

The doctor took a deep breath then and steadied herself for pain. It took a lot to do the job she did, and this was definitely the worst part. She hated hurting people, wrecking lives. She had wanted this job to save people, but she also had to deal with the downside. She just hadn't prepared for how bad that downside would turn out to be. The doctor took another breathe and then opened her mouth. "You lost one", she whispered to the room. She felt the hearts of the two lovers fall with a thud. She felt the world spin off its axis and out to nowhere. That was where she felt like she was, too. The tears came back to D.J. again and her voice cracked and wobbled when she spoke.

"What do you mean, 'lost one'?" D.J. herself didn't know why she was putting herself through this. The doctor had just told her why. Did she really want to hear it all over again? No, she didn't. But she had to. She had to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"Y-You lost one."

"How did this even happen?" Steve whispered. The doctor looked at him squarely. As much as it hurt him, she realized now, it hurt him even more to have D.J. sad. As much as it hurt him, he needed to know the facts. As much as it hurt, he had to keep going. He had to keep up with life. He had to keep D.J. safe. And as unsafe as she was from pain right now, he knew she needed him. She may not need to cling to him and cry right this minute, but she would. Later.

"It just happens sometimes", the doctor answered quietly. "Most pregnancies start off as twins, but women lose them. Most women don't even know it happens."

"Then how did I?" D.J. piped up softly.

"You're extra sensitive, I suppose." The doctor answered. "I'm so sorry this happened. I'm so sorry you noticed and feel the pain it causes. Like I said, most women don't even realize it happens at all."

"But I did", D.J. said hotly. She was so angry she felt the world crack in half. She was also so sad she felt like a little speck of sand in the middle of the sea.

--

Hour later, D.J. and Steve trudged out of the hospital exit and climbed into the car. They were silent. She was still too shocked to even cry. Steve knew where to go. And that was when they pulled up at the Tanner house. D.J. held his hand hard as they climbed the steps and went inside.

The moment the two stepped into the doorway, Joey knew something was wrong.

"Everyone get in here!' He called to the house. "Now!" It was as everyone was crowding into the living room that she realized he was doing it so she wouldn't have to.

"What is it, Joey? What's wrong?" Becky asked as she came in, holding the hands of Nicky and Alex. And then she noticed D.J. and Steve. And it all fell into place. The family was silent as D.J. opened her mouth to speak. "We lost one of the babies", she said. And then she opened her mouth to cry.

The family surrounded her and Steve as she cried and cried and cried. They were not pushy, nor demanding. They just let her be. They let her cry. When D.J. was all out of tears for the time being, she went into the kitchen to get a drink of juice. She looked at the dark red of the juice and then she stood over the sink, and poured the whole glass down the drain.


	19. Pain and Suffering

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The car ride home from the Tanner house was quiet. Steve knew why, D.J. knew why. It was all D.J. could do not to cry. She knew if she let even one tear come, she would never be able to stop. She clamped her mouth shut and tried to stop her chin from quivering.

"It's OK, Deej", Steve said softly when they stepped inside their house. She knew it was not OK, and she knew he was only trying to convince himself of that, but she didn't say anything. She didn't even nod. The couple slipped into bed and Steve said again, "It's OK, Deej. It's OK." _I can not cry_, she thought to herself. _I can not cry. I can not cry._ She turned away from him for a few minutes and regained her strength. Steve put his arms around her and kissed her. And then she fell asleep, waking her dreams to come to her.

--

The next morning, Sunday, D.J. awoke to find Steve in the kitchen.

"Hi", she said shyly.

"Good morning, Deej", Steve said back. She slipped into a chair beside him, but then she went to his lap. She needed him right now. She felt all of the sudden, like she might cry. She didn't know why, and it was bugging her. She hated feeling weak. Once she did, it would choke her and it would take all Steve could do to bring her back. She put her hand on her stomach and let her eyes fill up. There was only one in there, not two. It felt hollow. It felt empty.

"We lost her", she kept saying, over and over again. "We lost her." Steve didn't deny it. He didn't have to: It was true. She kept crying, too. Over and over. It seemed as though she was finally coming to the reality that it all had actually happened, that it wasn't just some bad dream she could wake up from. That it was real. She wept and heaved and shook and sobbed. She wiped her tears on her pajama sleeve and her nose ran disgustingly. She didn't care. The pain was too deep a hole to climb out of just now. D.J. suddenly hated and resented every bad thing that had ever happened to her. She began to feel angry and sad at the same time.

Steve couldn't bring her back this time. Not yet. He was sad, too. But not as sad as he knew she was. It was sickening to him to watch her be sad, and not be able to do anything about it. He just held her as she cried and cried and cried and murmured soft, nice things into her ears. He needed to do at least this, at least _something_ for her. D.J. looked up at the sky. Suddenly, the sun shining seemed much too cheerful for her to feel the things she was feeling.

Suddenly, she wanted to shrug off what she was feeling. She wanted desperately to feel happy again. She wanted desperately to wind back the clock until everything was the way it used to be. The way it should've been. The way it should've stayed. She also knew, though, that being happy was near impossible. She was still too sad to go two minutes without breaking down. She hated herself for that, and for a lot of other things she shouldn't have. She didn't care, though. She didn't know what in the world she cared about anymore. It seemed pointless to care about anything anymore. All she had cared about was gone.

Well, almost.

Over the next few weeks, D.J. began to realize that she did indeed have another baby still inside. She realized that however sad she felt, she still had someone to take care, someone to hope for. She still had someone to love.

"Hey, baby", she said to her stomach one morning in late January. She was close to four months along, now. Her stomach was starting to show. She helped herself out of bed and into the kitchen. The morning sickness was gone and that made D.J. very relieved. She made herself a cup of tea and sat at the island. Just then, Steve came in from his run. He tried very hard to not rub it in his wife's face that he could run and she couldn't. He knew it was killing her. It was lonely without her, too.

"Hey", he said softly, pulling off his shoes.

"Hi." She sipped her tea while he showered. Then she showered and dressed. That particular day, she dressed in jeans and a long, black and grey sweater. It had a deep V and it went down to her thighs. Usually, she'd wear it with leggings, since it was long enough for that, but it was cold out that day. Then, she changed her outfit plans and wore instead a pair of jeans with some fading in the middle and a berry and violet striped deep V sweater that went only to the pockets of her jeans, the normal length for tops. She slipped a pink camisole underneath and a pair of soft boots. The boots went outside her jeans. They were slouchy, soft, light pink and matched her outfit perfectly. She curled her hair and put it up with a pink elastic. Hair pulled out of it naturally and just the way she wanted. Her earrings and bracelet were big and violet colored.

"Well, don't you look nice today?" Steve said, coming into the room. D.J. turned so he wouldn't see her blushing.

"Thanks", she said, smiling at him. At her weak smile, Steve wanted to sweep her up and kiss her, make her happy again. But he knew as much as he wanted to, he wouldn't be able. He couldn't bring back the things they'd lost, but he could make her feel better. He decided to try it.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah", D.J. said, bending down to scoop up her tote bag from the floor. He wanted to reach over and grab it for her, but he didn't. He knew that would only bug her. Sometimes it did, sometimes it didn't. He never knew which it would land at.

They got in the car and drove to school. D.J. hurried to her first class, English Literature and Writing, and Steve scurried off to his. They met for lunch like always, and D.J. couldn't help but think that their life was slightly boring. It would get better, she decided, once the baby was born.

And then she stopped herself.

The thought had slammed back into her brain the way it always did, and she hated herself for it. She had dreamed of having kids. Ever since she was a little girl, she was always playing house, wanting to be a mom. Now that she was actually going to become one, it seemed much more harder and scarier than she'd ever imagined. Even after seeing the whole gory picture for herself in health class in the eighth grade, she'd never in a million years imagine that this was what it was like.

When they were done with classes for the day, they went home.

"Tired, Deej", Steve asked her.

"No", she said. She wasn't tired, not really. Just quiet. She sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, the usual", she said with a small, sarcastic, laugh. He stopped the car in their driveway, and turned to her.

"Baby…" Steve started softly.

'Please don't say baby", she whispered into the air. He looked hurt and she felt hurt. She did not want to cry. Steve cupped his hands around her face and looked right into her eyes.

"Baby, it's OK", he said quietly. "You can be sad if you want to be."

"No, I can't", she said. "Don't you see?" When he looked like he didn't, she shook her head. She tried hard not to get mad and cry at the same time. D.J. took a deep breathe and started again. "I can't be sad, Steve. Don't you get that? Being sad will bring everything back. I'm scared of the everything. I can't stop being happy just for a few minutes of being sad, just for a few minutes of memories."

"Deej, it's OK to relive, you know." He just wanted a chance to make her smile.

"No", she said to her seat. "It's not." She ducked her head so he wouldn't see her tears. God, she cracked easily these days.

"Oh, Baby." Steve kissed her hair and smoothed it. She kept crying and crying and crying. She hadn't shed one tear in weeks and she didn't know if she felt happy or sad to let it out. She hated herself and yet she loved herself, too. She hated herself for losing the baby and for her mom being dead. She loved herself for being loved and giving love back. She loved herself and she hated herself. She didn't know which one to believe. She was stuck.

Just like she was stuck in losing her baby. Sure, she still had one, but she never would forget the one she had lost. It seemed to her she never would've ever remembered anything she'd lost if she hadn't found it again. She shielded her eyes from her husband's and curled into a ball. She didn't want to push him away, but she didn't want him exactly near, either.

She was stuck.

She cried and cried into her arms and didn't want to get out of the car just yet. After a few more minutes, they both did. They walked stiffly into the house and once there, D.J. dumped her bag in the hallway, went into their bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Steve was worried about her. He always was. He'd thought that maybe if she hadn't lost so many things, he wouldn't be this afraid, but he was anyway. He wasn't afraid of the pain. No, that wasn't it. He was more afraid of her hurting. It seemed like his worst nightmare came true everyday and it made him nearly sick just watching it.

He'd never known a love so strong that it could end up to be the thing more than anything else that he needed and wanted in the whole entire, big world. But it was. He'd never thought he'd end up with a girl like D.J. and a loss like hers too. The burden of her loss was only heavy on her. It was only heavy to Steve because of what she felt because of it. The pain and hurting were hers alone to the loss of her mother and the loss of her baby, but he only hurt because of what she felt. He had loved Pam, too, really he had. It was only a deep ache now, not the pounding hurt he knew she felt still. He now only hurt for her.

D.J. didn't come out of her room that night. When he'd knelt by the door with a tray for her supper, he hadn't heard anything. When he'd went back later, to see it still sitting there uneaten, he could've sworn he heard her crying. A stab of regret hit him then and he quickly steered away from it. He hated pain. Especially when it happened to be hers.


	20. Better

A/N: Hi, guys

**A/N: Hi, guys! I'm so happy to be back writing. I've been looking on this wonderful site where you can steal all of Vanessa's looks! But, now I'm back and I hope you're as glad as I am. **

Chapter 20

By the time D.J.'s fifth month rolled around, she was better. It was just a dull ache now. It still hurt, but not as much.

She and Steve were still going to school and that was fine. She wished she was done already, but she knew it had to be done. And anyway, when they were done with classes for the day they went straight back home.

On the morning of March 3, D.J. woke to the birds singing. She smiled weakly and put her hand on her stomach.

"Morning, Baby", she said. She helped herself out of bed and into the shower. Once out of the shower she put on a pair of jeans…to find that they didn't fit.

"Ugh", she groaned. She tried and tried to button them, but they wouldn't stay no matter what she did. It was a good thing it was a Saturday. Otherwise she wouldn't have time for what she was about to do.

"Hello?" Her aunt answered once she'd picked up.

"Aunt Becky….Can you take me shopping for maternity clothes?"

--

Her aunt whisked the car into park at the entrance to the mall. They both got out and headed into the first store they saw.

"So", Becky said, guiding her niece to the maternity section, "what kind of things are you looking for?" D.J. shrugged. She didn't know. "Well", her aunt said, smiling, "let's find out." She picked out a selection of clothes for D.J. to try on and led her to a dressing room. The first thing D.J. pulled on was a pair of maternity jeans. They were stretch, but cool at the same time. She liked them right away. And because she did, they bought several pairs, in different washes and fits. She tried on a few velvet sweat suits and bought those. Becky also advised she buy shoes in bigger sizes.

"You never know if your feet will swell." D.J. made a face that Becky had to laugh at. They bought a few cardigans, some sweatshirts, some tanks and T-shirts, some dressy and casual sets and even some baby clothes.

By the end of the day, as much as she hated to admit it, D.J. was exhausted. She thought you just threw up and got fat. She didn't know she'd ever get as tired as she was. She stifled a yawn as the two were walking out to the parking lot.

"Thanks", D.J. said to her aunt when they pulled up to her house.

"Anytime, Deej. I'm glad to take you." D.J.'s eyes filled up and she had only heard what her aunt hadn't said: _Since your own mother can't. _She blinked back the tears and swallowed as she hugged her aunt and got out of the car. She opened up the back and Steve came running to help her. Becky smiled at his concern the way D.J did. Steve carried the bags—and there were quite a few of them—into the house and the two watched Becky drive off.

Once inside, D.J. pulled out her items to show Steve.

"Nice", he said simply when she was done.

"Nice?" She said. "Is that all I get?" Steve looked worried for a second and backed up.

"No, No, I—

"Oh, you silly. I'm teasing you." Steve blushed and D.J. laughed. She brought her things to the bedroom and hung them up. And then she sighed. Another day done. And another to start tomorrow.


	21. Promising

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

D.J. was in her sixth month now and things were going….OK. Not good, not great, just OK. She didn't know if she was happy or sad about that.

One Saturday morning, she was over at her father's house and she was cleaning out the attic to find something. And while she was cleaning she was surprised to find something she'd never thought she'd want to.

"Gosh, it is dusty in here", she said to herself pulling boxes off the shelf. She pulled out box after box until she saw one with "Pam" scrawled on the side by her father. She carefully pulled the box down. It seemed more special than the others. She set it on the floor and then set herself down beside it. She opened it up to receive a wave of duff through her nostrils but she dug right on anyway. She picked out the things gingerly. The scarf that smelled like her. The perfume she wore. The pictures of her. Her wedding ring that he'd taken off and kept on a chain for two years. The one that now had his on it, too. The sweater she'd been wearing the day of the accident, her favorite one.

Her diary.

D.J. gasped when she saw it. She'd known for years her mother had kept a diary, but Danny had permitted her from seeing it. It was too painful, he speculated. It still probably was. It was almost like he'd left this just for her, as one last reminder of the life she used to live with the one woman she'd loved. She didn't dare turn the page yet. The blood was barreling through her body at lightning speed and her heart was beating as fast as it ever had. Her palms were sweaty and her mouth was dry. Her eyes were misty. But she didn't want to cry, and ruin this beautiful moment. She found herself holding her breath as she opened the front cover. She felt herself almost wanting to turn right back around and close it back up. But she knew in her soul that she couldn't do that. It was too important, too special to her. She'd held this back so much, she'd grieved alone so much, that it felt so surreal to her, sitting up there, in that attic, about to read her mother's diary with no one but the boxes that sat beside her.

And then she kept going.

D.J. opened up the small little book and let herself be immersed in her mother's world. She let herself laugh and sigh but there was no way she would let herself cry. Not right now. She read page after page and couldn't let herself stop. When she read her mother's thoughts about her, D.J. almost lost it, but she plunged on ahead. She read faster and faster and let herself race against the time left in her mother's life. She let herself live and breathe the one girl who was everything. She let herself be her mother, be in her shoes, if just for a little while. D.J. let herself breathe secrets and hear them. She let herself confess her own faults and hear her mother's.

She let herself remember.

The years had made it fuzzy. Sometimes she woke up not seeing her mother's face. Sometimes she woke up and it took an hour before the thought slammed back into her brain. Sometimes she forgot. But it always came back to her. It always hurt. And D.J. knew that even though everything and everyone around her had already, she knew in her heart that she would never, ever forget. She would never, ever let go. She would never, ever let herself lose Pam. Not ever. She would never let herself move on. It hurt too much to not be where she was. But she also knew that being where she was was killing her, too.

D.J. took a deep breath and looked up to the sky from the skylight in the ceiling. She sighed and felt the sun on her face. She felt herself clutch the diary. _Dear God_, she prayed silently. _Please let her know I love her. Please let her know I miss her. OK? _She hadn't prayed in a long, long time. She had almost given up hope. But she knew that her mother never had, and neither would she.

She'd always watched movies where the girl lost her mother. She knew what pain was. She just never knew she'd feel it this deep. She never knew she could hurt so much.

She never knew she could be two people.

On one hand, she was D.J. Hales, wife, college student, a beauty, expectant mother. On one side, she was happy. On one side she was putting on an act trying desperately to make herself believe it. That was exactly the reason she had tried so hard. She had to, she'd thought, to keep herself from slipping. She'd had to keep herself alive and happy. Otherwise, she wouldn't know what to do with herself. She still didn't. Luckily for her, Steve knew that already. He carried her baggage gracefully, because he knew. He knew very well that she was trying and that she did want to be happy. And that sometimes she really was. He knew how she craved feeling good and alive. He knew how she felt about him. He knew she loved him with all her heart and more. He knew everything.

On the other hand, though, she was grieving and hurting and feeling her mother. On one hand, she was trying so hard and felt like she wasn't going anywhere.

D.J. made a decision to herself right there.

_I want to be happy! _she felt like screaming at the world. _I just want to feel OK again!_ She wrapped her arms around her knees. _I just need you! _

She had decided that she didn't want to carry this load anymore. She for years and she didn't want to anymore. She was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. She wanted to love. She wanted to be free. She wanted to love who she was and love her life. She wanted to be happy. And for the first time in eight years, feel like she hadn't lost anything.

She just wanted to feel again.

Over the years it was like she'd almost stopped feeling, in fear of what she would feel. She didn't want to feel pain. She didn't want to hurt. She'd blocked out the pain. She was good at it too. She'd stomp on it and crush it to the ground. She'd ruin it. She'd stop feeling.

D.J. looked up to the sky again. She'd wanted to feel something. Did she? She herself didn't even know. She wanted to feel so badly she was aching for it. She was aching for change.

"Deej!" Joey shouted at her from below. His shout had brought her out of where she had been and back into the real world.

"Coming!" She shouted weakly from below. And then she set the diary back in its box and put everything away. And then she walked down the dark stairs and shut the attic door.

She'd go on feeling. Just as she'd promised herself she would. She would try to make herself better.


	22. Suspision

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

So, D.J.'s plan was put into action. Starting that very night at dinner, she talked more, breathed more and looked happier than anyone had ever seen her. She not only wanted herself to feel better, she wanted her family to believe she was.

Over the next few weeks, that was how she was—full of energy, full of fun. And at first, that's what people, including her family, took it as. At this rate, Steve proclaimed, they could finish the baby room in two days. And that's just what they did.

But, after a while, Danny was getting suspicious. It was almost like she was _too_ happy. And where did that sudden change in attitude come from, anyway? He decided to take it up with the man who knew her best. The man who loved her the most, even more than Danny himself.

He decided to take it up with Steve.

Danny cornered him when he and D.J. came back from school one Friday afternoon. "Steve?" Danny asked. "Could I see you for a minute?" Steve shrugged, looked back where his wife had gone, and said, "Sure." They sat down at the kitchen table.

"Steve, have you noticed anything…._different_, about D.J.?"

"Danny, D.J.'s my wife. I'd think I'd notice if she was acting differently."

"Well, is she?" Danny needed to know he wasn't the only one.

"Well, she's definitely got more energy", Steve said, thinking aloud. "She looks happier."

"Do you trust it? Do you trust her?" Steve looked seriously at his father-in-law.

"Danny, of course I trust her. She's the only one in the world I do. I'd never deny any of what she feels." Danny sighed.

"I know you do. I just wonder about this."

"About what?" Now there was a different voice. Jesse came in through the door behind them and sat down at the table next to Steve.

"About D.J.", Danny confirmed. Jesse looked confused.

"What about her?"

"Jess, has she seemed different to you, over the past few weeks?"

"Yeah", he admitted. "A little." More than anything, he wanted to prove his brother-in-law wrong. He wanted to say that there was nothing wrong with D.J. and that there never had been. He wanted her to be OK again. He knew that's what D.J. was trying to do. He didn't want to ruin it for her. He didn't want Danny to, either.

"How?" Danny questioned like he was a cop on a late-night TV show. All sneaky, like he was really going to get some information here.

"She's livelier. She's happy." Danny sighed.

"I know that", Danny said, sighing again. "I just wish—

"You just wish what?" Joey appeared now, and sat down beside Danny.

"I just wish I could figure out where this change in attitude came from."

"Danny, why do want to know, anyway?" Steve asked softly.

"Because I care, OK?"

"I care too and I'm not going around trying to gain information about my own daughter from outside sources", Jesse exclaimed. _I watched way too many cop shows. _

"I just want to know what's up with her", Danny tried to make his story convincing, even though it seemed pretty lame the way Jesse said it.

"How do you there's something even up with her?" Jesse argued. "It could be nothing."

"What if it's not nothing?" Danny contradicted. "It could be something big."

"Why are we even snooping?" Steve wanted to know. "Why don't we just ask her?"

"Did it have anything to do with what she was doing up in the attic a few weeks ago?" Now Joey had finally given some input. Jesse and Danny looked at each other. They could be onto something here. They really could.


	23. Missing Her

A/N: Augh

**A/N: Augh! I'm so excited for this chapter you don't even know. There's gonna be tons of drama is these next few chapters. I'm inspired by the HSM story, Can You Forgive? Way to go, Paige-Leann 92! Thanks for the inspiration! Check the story out, though. It really is great. Super great, in fact. Oh, and also, the song, "Every Day", by Rascal Flatts, inspired this chapter, too. Great song. Check it out, OK? Tell me what you think of the story and of the song in your review. Much appreciated! **

Chapter 23

Meanwhile, while the guys were discussing in the kitchen. D.J. snuck out. She was going to the one place she'd never dared to go. She was going to the one place she was the most afraid of. She was going to the place where she knew she would feel pain. She was going to the one place that, oddly enough, she knew she had to to make herself feel better. To make herself feel whole again. And going where she was about to was crucial, no matter how much she might not like it.

She was going to see her mother.

It was on a whim actually, thinking back to that day in the attic. As active as she was now, she'd hoped that wouldn't mean forgetting. She wasn't ready for that just yet. She probably never would be. Forgetting would mean moving on and she thought she never would.

D.J. tugged at her hair loosely as she made her way across the graveyard to the marble stone sticking up out of the ground. The marker said:

Pamela Anastasia Tanner

Mother, Sister, Wife

Everything

D.J. didn't want to look at it anymore. And yet, there she went, sitting down in front of it, like all the other people who showed up here did. She wanted to at least _pretend_ she was OK again. She owed the world at least that much, if not more. Her vision blurred now. _God, this hurts. _

She hadn't realized just how much she'd come to miss her mom, how much of her life she'd took her for granted. And now, as it turns out, she was the one person D.J. would give almost anything to see for two seconds.

What was the matter with her?

Here she was, sitting next to her mother's grave, just trying to hold on, while all the while she'd had her, she'd taken her mother's love for granted. What was _up_ with that? She wiped her nose on her sleeve and tried very hard not to cry. She'd never felt pain like this before. Usually, she just ached. Now, she hurt in a way that was different, and much, much worse, than anything she'd ever felt before. D.J. suddenly felt like the world was out to swallow her whole. She felt like she was on a time clock and had only so much time before she disappeared completely. Is that what she wanted? Did she want to not be here anymore?

No. She didn't want that. She did want to be here. Honest she did. She just didn't know how. She did want to be here and have the baby that was growing inside her. She did want to be here and love her husband like she never had before. She did want to be here and help her sister through high school. She did want to be here and love every single person that had ever loved her.

She just wanted her mother back.

The realization factor struck her as odd. How could she not get this? Why did she keep wishing the things she was wishing? Why did she need her mother so badly?

Oh, right. Because she wasn't here anymore.

D.J. knew very well that if indeed her mother had lived through the crash, D.J. would be taking her for granted still, assuming nothing bad would ever happen to her. At ten, that's what she'd believed, and even at nineteen, it still was. D.J. knew the way around her heart like the back of her hand and without needing the assistance of a map, but the hurting part was never one she'd dug into. She'd never wanted to. She suspected nobody did.

D.J. ran her fingers along the engraved lines of words in the stone and shivered at how cold they were. Suddenly, looking around her, her whole body felt cold. Without so much as a glance to anything or anyone, D.J. gave in, and let herself cry.

--

Hours later, D.J. retreated and drove home. She was silent the whole way, except for the tears that were still falling. She hated herself again. She hated making herself hurt. She hated knowing she had to.

When she arrived, she heard screaming, and she wasn't even inside the house yet! She wondered what was going on, but as it turns out, she probably shouldn't have.

"I have a right to know about my own daughter!" Danny screamed in Jesse's face, outraged.

"Who cares if she's happier?" Steve chimed in hotly. "Isn't that a good thing?"

"I do!" Danny shouted, pushing it over the edge and going out of control. "I care! I don't want to see her sad anymore! I just don't!" D.J. slinked into the kitchen quietly. No one, not even Steve, noticed her. They were all too busy yelling at Danny. "I hate her!" Danny screamed, hating her hurting than D.J. herself, but too fired up to care. "I hate her!" D.J. made herself known now by saying quietly, "You hate me, huh?" This had been too much of an emotional day. She didn't know how much more she could take. By her guess, not much. Not very much at all. Seeing D.J., Danny's look immediately changed. He melted right there in front of her and tried. "Baby, I—

"No, Daddy", D.J. said softly shaking her head. "I hate myself sometimes, too." And then she rean upstairs and into her room, where she allowed herself to cry again.


	24. You Know We Will

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"Who wants to deal with this?" Danny said quietly once D.J. had fled and all three guys looked at Steve. He nodded. Steve ventured upstairs to the bedroom especially for the couple when they stayed at the Tanners. D.J. was sitting on the bed. Steve came and put his arms around her. Then she cried. **A/N: She sounds like the girl in the Rascal Flatts video for What Hurts the Most. If you've never heard her, she sounds very tragic and quiet and broken **

It was then that Danny came up the stairs, followed by Jesse and Joey.

"Baby", her father said quietly. "I am so sorry." D.J. didn't look at him. She couldn't. "You have to know how much I love you." And then his eyes fixed on a diary sitting on her bedside table. And his expression changed completely.

"Where did you get that?" D.J. sniffled pathetically and turned finally to look at her father.

"In the attic. I read the whole thing."

"So that's why that happened", Danny said softly, more to himself than to the group.

"Why what happened?" Jesse asked quietly, sitting down next his niece.

"Why this whole thing happened", he answered. "Why you made yourself be happy." At that he looked straight at D.J.

"Am I that obvious? Is it that bad to want to be happy?"

"Only if you want to be", Steve said, holding her close.

"Steve's right", Danny said, playing the dad like he had all those years ago. "Only be happy if you want to be."

"But I want to be", D.J. said, tears falling no more. "I'm just not."

"What do you mean?" D.J. looked at her father in shock.

"What do you mean, 'what do you mean?'" She said. "You're the one who went behind my back to get information about me. Shouldn't you already know?"

"See", Jesse said. "I told you it was wrong to go behind her back." Danny felt as though he wanted to smack his brother-in-law hard. Was he really such a bad guy for wanting to know about his daughter? Or was not knowing bad enough?

"I'm just not", D.J. said. "I want to be…but I can't."

"Why not?" Steve's voice was nice and soft and suddenly D.J. felt like smacking her husband. He didn't have to be so gentle. She wasn't a doll. She could get mad, too.

But then she made herself take it back because that was one of the reasons she loved him so much: Because he was able to help her so easily. Just a kiss on the forehead from him could make her smile.

"Because….I can't make myself forget." Oh, God, she was such a baby. The tears were back. Why did she have to do this to herself? Didn't she just flat-out promise herself that she wouldn't resort to this, that she'd make herself better?

Yes. She had and she would and she just wanted to so bad. She didn't want to hurt anymore. It was getting annoying.

"I don't want to hurt over her anymore."

"Baby, you always will", Danny said.

"No", D.J. said, standing up. "Don't you see? That was the whole point of trying so hard to make myself happy. So I wouldn't have to feel pain and sadness and tears. I don't want that anymore. I don't want to be sad anymore."

"I don't want you to be sad anymore, either, sweetie", Steve said quietly. He stood up too and hugged his wife tightly and kissed the top of her head. And when no tears came, he released her.

"Just help me forget", D.J. begged. "I just want to be happy again."

"We'll help", Jesse said, referring to the others. "You know we will."

--

**A/N: I just didn't want D.J. to be sad all the time. I figured she didn't want it either, or you, the readers. I wanted her to live like she had during the series: Being happy. **

**REVIEW!!**


	25. A Silent Sorry

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

In the next few weeks, D.J. began to see a better picture than she had before. It was almost like someone had taken a towel to her camera to the world and made it clean again. She hadn't felt this good since…well, since it happened. D.J. didn't know if it was from knowing that her family was helping her move on, or if it was simply knowing she could.

And, as she began to feel better about that—just a little, but enough—that made way for something else to surface.

Late one night, at 2:30 AM in D.J.'s seventh month, still, she awoke. She hadn't been sleeping soundly anyway, her mind was too full of thought.

"Steve", she whispered softly into her husband's ear. "Steve."

"What is it, Deej?" His voice was much to full of concern for someone who'd just been woken up. But D.J. should've known. He was always concerned about her. It was one of the things she'd grown to love about him. _Is that conceited? _

"I was just….thinking about some things", she said.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She made a face. "C'mon", he said. "I know whatever's eating at you isn't going to go away anytime soon. Let's talk."

But, instead of heading straight to talking, she and Steve drove down to the beach. Since San Francisco was a coastal city, it didn't take them that long to get there.

And, when they got there, Steve helped D.J. out of the car and they walked on the sand holding hands. D.J.'s long, white night-gown fluttered in the cool, night breeze.

"So", Steve said, getting right down to business but trying not to sound like it, "what's up?"

"I'm just….scared." It sounded so lame.

"Of what, honey?" His voice was soft.

"I'm scared to have a baby." It sounded even lamer. She didn't dare look up at her husband. Instead, she folded her arms around her bump and stared out to the sea and the dark, black waves.

"Oh, sweetie, it's OK", Steve soothed into her hair as he hugged her close to him.

"No, it's not OK", she said, starting to cry a little. "It's not. I shouldn't be scared. That's stupid."

"No, it's not", Steve insisted again. "I know I'm scared."

"You?" D.J. asked, shocked, turning to face her husband, with wide, innocent, oh so blue eyes. "You're never scared of anything."

_Oh, but you're wrong. _

There were so many things he wanted to tell her then. He wanted to say that he was scared, scared of loving D.J. too much. Scared of not being able to bring her back from the hard places she went to. Scared of making a life for her and this baby. Scared of losing her. Scared of losing the baby.

Another part of him wanted to say that he wasn't scared. He was a man, wasn't he? Indeed he was. That didn't mean he wasn't scared. That didn't mean he didn't feel. That didn't mean he didn't cry.

_I should be stronger than this, _he thinks.

But, instead, he holds his wife close to him and murmurs into her ear. Telling her that everything is going to be alright, when Steve wasn't so sure about that himself. But, it was the thing to do. The best thing to do. The _only_ thing to do. And as he wiped her tears away with the soft pad of his thumb, he could only think one thing:

_I've just got to be better at this. _

Had he thought the wrong things? Had he said the wrong things? Was it wrong to reassure your wife, even if it meant lying to her?

He didn't know.

Steve was sitting at the kitchen table a few nights later. D.J. was folding a load of laundry in the bedroom. When she was done, she came out to join him.

"Watcha ya thinkin' 'bout?" She asked, sitting uncomfortably into a chair next to his. She never could quite get comfortable anymore. He sighed as he looked up at her.

"Nothing", he said, knowing it was not that. It wasn't that at all.

"Please", she begs like a four-year-old. "Please tell me."

"Deej", Steve said, sighing again, "it's…._complicated_."

"How complicated?"

"Very", he answered, trying as hard as he could not to lose it. He couldn't get mad at her. He just couldn't. He was much too angry with himself still. He didn't know if he felt happy or sad about that. On one hand, it allowed him to take the anger of his wife—who didn't deserve what he was giving her just then—and focus on the anger towards himself. But, on the other hand, he didn't want to be angry with himself at all.

But he was.

He didn't want to be and doubted he could keep this up much longer, but he was indeed angry at himself. He couldn't stop himself from worrying about her all the time. He worried so much it made him crazy. He was half-afraid he wasn't worrying enough and half-afraid she'd leave him if he worried too much, if that was even possible.

"I'm sorry", D.J. said quietly, registering the fact to Steve that she was still in the room when he suddenly realized, that's what he was, too.

**A/N: I just wanted to give some insight on Steve's feelings. And the unsteady feeling the baby scare had still left them. **

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	26. The Easy Way Out

Chapter 26

Chapter 26

D.J. arrived home from her father's house a week later, sobbing. She threw herself into the arms of her confused husband and cried for a few minutes before he ventured to ask her something.

"What's wrong, baby? What is it?" D.J. tried to get her breath before answering.

"I just….it all came back."

"What did? I have no idea what you're talking about." Even after how sensitive he'd gotten from loving D.J., there still were things he didn't know for certain yet.

"Well", D.J. said slowly as Steve led her into the living room and onto the couch, "it all started when Daddy brought me her diary. He said there were some things I'd missed in there. I didn't believe him, but I took it anyway", she said. "You know, to be nice. He also gave me her favorite sweater. The one she always wore. The one that smelled like her. The one I used to wear as a little girl. The one she wore….when it happened.

"He also gave me her necklace and some other trinkets of hers he knew I loved and knew she would've wanted to me to have anyway."

"And it brought everything back", Steve guessed, knowing this was how it usually went. "Right?"

"Wrong. Well, right. Sort of.

"It was like he was almost mad at me", D.J. said then. "Like he was accusing me of her death." Fresh tears welled in her eyes at the harsh memory of her father doing such a thing. And Danny had been such a good guy. He still was… Wasn't he?

_He's supposed to be_.

Steve looked appalled at the mere thought of it and hugged D.J. tight.

"I'm sure it wasn't that", he said then, kissing her hair in the hug. "It can't be."

"It was. But know what's worse?"

"What?"

"I'm not even supposed to be feeling this way. If anyone, Michelle should be the one crying. She was the one who never got to know her."

"But maybe", Steve said pulling out of the hug, "knowing her is just as bad."

"God", she said standing up. "You know, since when did this become so easy for you?" She was so mad she was shaking. She was tired of him getting the easy way out all the time. She was tired of having to be the one sad. She was tired of watching him be happy.

"It never has been, Deej", Steve said as he followed her into the front room. "Don't you know that?"

She pretended she hadn't heard that, and sped out the door. She knew exactly where to go.

**A/N: You know what I love about this story? Besides the fact that it's about one of my favorite shows and couples of all time? I love that this isn't some sob story. D.J. wants so badly to make herself better, to make herself not hurt so much. She's sick and tired of it. And you know what? I'm glad she's sick and tired. You know why? I'm glad because it shows she's real. Not some fake, sobbing mess. Then, you guys probably wouldn't read this, would you? Thank Goodness you do. I love you guys so much for reading my stories. Thank you so, so, so, so, so, so much! **

**Oh, and the **_**her **_**I'm talking about**__**is Pam, if you didn't figure that out already. Sorry for not clarifying. **

**REVIEW! You know you're dying to. **


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